U No Why

I recently followed a car with “U No Why” on the license plate. It puzzled me. It didn't seem like a vanity plate. I wanted to stop the car and ask what the message on the license plate meant. Why would someone choose something like this? I speculated about the reason and what the driver would say.

He/she might say “Do you know why we’re here on this earth? Is there purpose to our existence or is it random chance?” They might ask “Do you know why God created us? Do you know why the sun shines and the sky is blue? Do you know why every finger print and every snow flake is different? Is this by design or by chance?"

I think this plate belongs to a Christian who wants to get people thinking and asking questions. How empty life would be if there is no reason for our existence – nothing but chance. How meaningful life is when we know God. Both of these can’t be true. It has to be one or the other. When we realize there is a marvelous purpose to life and a magnificent God guiding and directing us, we find meaning and purpose in all we do.

I think this license plate is not a vanity plate at all. It’s a “value” plate. It sends an important message. It reminds me of this: “No God. No Peace. Know God. Know peace.”

“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom.” Psalms 111:10

Blessings, Dottie

Drifting in Marriage

Last week I touched on the problem of couples drifting apart in marriage. Drifting apart is a common problem though couples who “just drift apart” often are surprised when problems surface. Both are blind to any difficulties. There are three possible reasons for drift.

Some of us grew up in homes where relationships were distant, where there was little connection. As a result we avoid closeness without realizing it. You may want more closeness but also be uncomfortable when you are close to someone. To overcome this type of drift you will need to take small risks in allowing yourself to be closer to your partner. Push your limit little by little.

If the drifting has gone on for a while resentment may build up about the distance. Or the distancing may be caused by resentment about other issues between you. Find a way to bridge the resentment and distance. In addition to talking about it - romance, fun, affection and sex can bridge the gap.

Another cause of drift is our belief that once we find “the right person” we will live happily ever after without any effort. This is not how love works. Every marriage, every relationship, requires effort in order for it to thrive and grow. Consciously work on making your marriage a close, fun, special relationship. At the beginning of a relationship we spend time thinking about the person and looking forward to time together. We enjoy being with the person; we admire and value the person. We’re affectionate and we express our positive feelings to the person. Do these things now and you will stop the drift.

If these ideas don’t help check out the marriage resources listed here. Click on Smart Marriages and The Third Option for information on help for marriages.

"Let love and faithfulness never leave you." Proverbs 3:3

Blessings, Dottie

Drifting

Drifting apart in a marriage usually happens very slowly. Drift begins when we stop spending time together or don’t talk as much as usual. It may begin due to a disagreement that leaves us with hurt and anger. We don’t know how to resolve our issues so we keep our conversation safe. We avoid controversy. We avoid our feelings. We never get beyond small talk.

This is exactly what happens when we “drift” away from God. We’re too busy for prayer or bible study. We say a brief prayer on the run, telling God we’ll get back to him later. We don’t open our deep hurts and troubles to God. We keep our prayers safe. We may even be angry at God and avoid talking with him.

Do we really want to know God? Drifting is serious business. I know, because I drifted far away from God and didn’t come back for many years. God waits, wanting to hear from us every day. And he always takes us back.

We miss out on so much when we drift away from God. When we stay close and seek him we feel his presence, receive his guidance and live by his Spirit more and more. We may even say, “Did not our heart burn within us.” Luke 24:32 NKJV

Have you spent time with God today?

Blessings, Dottie

Good News for Introverts

She grew up shy and quiet, and thinking something was wrong with her. She enjoys silence and being alone. She’s not articulate in groups, but thoughts and words come easily when she writes. When she talks she doesn’t sound as knowledgeable as she is. Her thoughts come out slowly, jumbled, or not at all. Her brain is slow to process what others say. She’ll think of what she wished she’d said, but it’s too late to say it. Social events wear her out. After being out in the world she’s wound up and has trouble sleeping. She’s an introvert.

Donald Miller, in Blue Like Jazz, compares himself to an electric drill needing to be charged for twenty hours in order to run for ten minutes. He needs a lot of down time, yet recognizes the need we all have for people, and the danger of being alone too much. Introverts are quiet and reclusive. Extroverts are outgoing and social. Extroverts gain energy in a group and introverts lose energy in a group.

I have good news for all introverts out there. There’s nothing wrong with being quiet and reserved. God designed you the way you are. If there were no introverts there would be no writers! There’s now scientific and psychological evidence that being an introvert has advantages. Marti Olsen Laney in, The Introvert Advantage, gives valuable tips to help introverts not just get by, but actually flourish in our extroverted world.

Enjoy the book. Introverts love to read. I know because I’m an introvert.

You created my inmost being; you knit me in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:13-14

Blessings, Dottie

The Resurrection

Do you remember what the world looked like in February? Here’s a picture of my rose bushes – there were no roses under the snow. Nothing was there but dead branches.


I attended four funerals in May – all were funerals of faithful Christians. While funerals are not my favorite pastime they aren’t the worst activity either. I went to each funeral to show love and support for the family members, but each funeral also blessed me because of the faith of each family.

Losses are difficult and painful. Yet each of the four families spoke with hope and faith about the loved one now being with God. The fact that these were Christian funerals made them a time of celebration, hope and rejoicing as well as a time of sadness at the loss of each person.

I’ve been to funerals where the families were without faith. These are really sad affairs. You live and you die and that’s it. There’s no eternal purpose to life. And certainly, there’s no eternal life afterward. The song, “If You Could See Me Now,” was played two of the funerals. The chorus of this song says

If you could see me now…
You wouldn't want me to ever leave this place,
If you could only see me now.

Nature reveals the truth of the resurrection, I believe. Remember how my roses looked in February? Here’s how they look now. How can we see these evidences in nature and not believe? This takes more faith than believing does.

Jesus said, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die.” John 11:25

Blessings, Dottie

Journaling for Healing

Keeping a journal is one of the most effective things you can do to gain insight into current problems, and to grow emotionally and spiritually. Writing down thoughts and feelings is therapeutic. You don’t need to share your writing with anyone. You will gain new perspectives through writing, as though you had shared your thoughts with an actual person.

James W. Pennebaker, Ph.D., in his book, Opening Up, The Healing Power of Expressing Emotion, describes a study of unemployed men. The men who wrote about losing their jobs found new jobs much more quickly than the two control groups. Writing helped them vent anger, hurt and pain about their job loss. It enabled them to let go of painful experiences, and this in turn, helped them be effective in finding employment.

Writing will help with any type of crisis or problem. If you’re dealing with anger or resentment, write a letter to the person you’re angry with, but don’t send the letter. Sending an angry letter makes things worse. The point is to get your anger, hurt or pain out on paper. Include specific details when you write. This helps you understand what happened, and helps you let go of anger and hurt.

Writing about painful feelings isn’t easy. You may have to make yourself do this. When an issue troubles you, write for twenty to thirty minutes without censoring what you write. Let your feelings out without trying to be rational. Repeat this three to five days in a row. Save what you write and reread it a week later.

Journeling scripture is also life changing. Jounaling the promises and the commands in the Bible will grow your faith.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalms 147:3

Blessings, Dottie

Journaling For Change

In my last post I told about keeping a list of family events. You can make lists about most anything. Here are a few ideas: Pet Peeves, Things I Don’t Understand, Things I Worry About, My Fears, My Goals. Lists are helpful if you lead a busy life and don’t have time to journal. When you have time, you can write more about each item listed. Journaling will heal and change you.

There are many ways to journal.
1. Write in the form of letters, to yourself, to someone you’ve hurt or to someone who has hurt you. Say whatever comes to your mind. Say all the things you want to say but never dared. Saying things in an unsent letter doesn’t hurt anyone and it can help you.

2. Write about each stage in life. Write about childhood, teen years, college, early marriage, children, teenagers, the empty nest, work, job changes, losses, and faith.

3. Write a vision of your life in the future. Write in positive terms, as though it has already happened. Keep this vision in your mind each day. Visualizing the way we want things to be helps us fulfill our dreams.

4. Keep a gratitude journal. List five things each day that you’re grateful for. This can change your perception and your life. It’s therapeutic to write about anger and hurt, but we need to also focus on the positive things in life.

5. Write prayers. Open your heart to God and put it in writing. God specializes in changing people and situations.

 I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Blessings, Dottie