Overcoming the Winter Doldrums

Q. I dread winter. I hate driving to work in the dark and driving home in the dark. I hate being cooped up inside most evenings and weekends because it’s too cold or snowy or icy to go out. I become bored and depressed every year around the first of January. 

       

My husband and children don’t seem to mind being cooped up. They stretch out in front of the TV for entire weekends.  We can’t move to a warmer climate because our jobs and families are here. What can I do to make the winter bearable for me?

A. For most of us there is a post-holiday let down that often coincides with very wintry weather. The cold, dark days of winter are difficult for most of us. There are a number of things you can do that will help you find some enjoyment in the winter months.

1. Spend a week thinking about what you do like or enjoy about winter. Make a list and add to it as you think of things. For instance, my list would include taking brisk walks, time to relax and do nothing, the warmth of a fire in the fireplace, and the beauty of new fallen snow.

2. Once you have made your list keep it where you will see it often and focus your mind on these things whenever a negative thought about the winter creeps in and begins to depress you. Some of your depression regarding winter is due to your negative thinking about it.

       

3. What are your goals in life? What is your purpose? If you know the answers to these questions you can find things to do to move you toward your goals - even in the winter.

       

4. Use the winter months to accomplish some of the things you usually put off doing. Clean closets, put pictures in photo albums, write letters, cook special meals, play with your children letting them suggest the game or activity, invite friends over for soup and sandwiches.

       

5. Think of fun things you can do at home with your husband or family. Rent a funny movie, play board games or card games, make taffy or fudge, cuddle with your husband while he watches football.

6. Don’t be stuck in the house every evening and all weekend even if your husband and family like it that way. Find places to go. There are inexpensive or free activities many places. You can take a class that interests you. You can visit a museum. You can volunteer to help someone in need. You can be active in a church.

7. Find some alone activities that you enjoy and do them when the rest of the family is lounging by the TV. You can knit, crochet or work on crafts. You can read a good book. You can exercise indoors.

       

8. Learn to enjoy winter sports. Ice skating, sledding and skiing are available during some of our winters. When it snows, get out and build a snowman in your yard!

       

9. Do something different. This is one of the best ways to overcome boredom and depression. It sounds too simple to be true but it works. We tend to be stuck in routines of behavior that are repetitious and not spontaneous. When we do something different we step out of our rut. 

       

I hope these ideas will help you enjoy your winter. 

“Consider it all joy, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.” James 1:2-3

Blessings, Dottie

CHANGING HABITS and ACHIEVING GOALS

Q. I seem to have no will power. Every New Year I decide to diet and after about ten days I’m back to eating sweets and eating too much. I decide to exercise and the same thing happens.  I’m also a worrier and don’t know how to stop worrying. How can I change my bad habits and develop some good ones? How can reach my dreams and goals? 

A. Webster’s dictionary defines habit as “a thing done often and hence easily, a custom, a usual way of doing things.” We develop a variety of habits or routines throughout our life time. We may wake up at the same time every day; get ready in the same order - shower, dress, breakfast. We may even have a routine of always putting on our left shoe before we put on our right shoe. 

      Habits or routines help us in many ways. Good habits, firmly established take little thought. We do them almost automatically. We drive to work taking the same route each day. We pay our bills at the same time each month. We go to church every Sunday. These are all habits or routines we’ve established.

Habits rule us whether they are bad or good. We are captive to our habits. We want to change our ways and accomplish more—whether it’s losing weight, exercising more or finishing a to-do list. So why don’t we? If you really want to change you can, but you must set clear goals and change your habits.

       New habits begin with one thought. That’s right ONE THOUGHT!  We think about doing something and we decide to do it. If we’re changing a negative habit, for example in our diet, we now have an attitude of caution and awareness about what we eat. We also have an “I can” attitude and feel optimistic about accomplishing our goal. The attitude change leads to an action which leads to a repeated action and eventually we have a habit. 

     

      The key is to keep doing the new behavior for six or eight weeks. It will take this long to establish a new habit. A negative habit is overcome one day at a time, the same way it began. A new habit is established one day at a time. Here are a few tips to help you:

      1. Focus on your successes and congratulate yourself for these. 

      2. Expect relapses and learn from them. Not many can change a habit instantly. When you learned to ride a bike you fell down a few times before you could balance. The same is true for creating a new habit. The relapses can teach you things. What thoughts or feelings triggered your return to old habits?

      3. You do have will power. Our will is a powerful part of us, capable of choosing to control our actions. Say to yourself, “I will.” And don’t say, “I won’t” or “I can’t” or “I’ll try.” Be positive and be determined to succeed.

      4. Align your will with God’s will; ask his help in overcoming your weaknesses. This is helpful in all circumstances but essential to breaking an addiction.

      5. Take every thought captive. A habit starts with one thought and is maintained or broken by our thoughts. For example, to break the worry habit stop every worry thought as soon as you notice it and replace it with a positive thought or image.

Here are a few thought provoking quotations on habits:

·      “Habits are to the soul what the veins and arteries are to the blood, the courses in which it moves.”  Horace Bushnell 

·      “Habit, if not resisted, soon becomes necessity.”  Augustine

·      “What a curious phenomenon it is that you can get men to die for the liberty of the world who will not make the little sacrifice that is needed to free themselves from their own individual bondage.”  Bruce Barton

·      “Sow an act and you reap a habit; sow a habit and you reap a character; sow a character and you reap a destiny.”  G. D. Boardman

      I hope these ideas help you change your habits and accomplish your goals.

     

     “As a man thinks in his heart so is he.”  Proverbs 23:7

      Blessings, Dottie

NEW YEAR'S DAY: A MARKER IN LIFE'S JOURNEY

Life is a journey and the beginning of a New Year is a marker in that journey. Take time to look back and reflect - not to criticize or punish yourself but to help you face where you are today. Take time also to look ahead and decide where you want your life to go tomorrow and all your tomorrows.

Much planning occurs before a trip. We pick our destination and arrange for a place to stay. We get directions or we make airline reservations. We plan what we'll take with us. We buy new clothes or items needed on the trip and we spend time packing before we're ready to go. We put time and effort into planning trips yet often give little thought to the longest and most important trip we make - our journey through life. We let life happen to us instead of deciding what we want from life and how God wants us to use our time.

This year, 2012, let’s be more intentional about life. Prayerfully think about it. Ask God to reveal his will – even his “call” to you.

Here are steps to follow

1. Write down everything you would like to be or do or have. Let your imagination run wild and don't censor this sheet. Later you can narrow down the goals you will actually work on.

    

2. Divide your goals into areas: Physical, Mental, Emotional, Social, Spiritual, Financial, Family and Career. You will need goals in each area so your life will have balance. Write down each goal and under it write down why you want to achieve this goal.

3. Be specific about each goal. For example, change your vague statement, "I will exercise more" to the specific statement, "I will walk two miles a day."

4. Be positive about each goal. Many weight loss goals are doomed to failure because they are based on self disgust. Make certain it is something you really want rather than a "should."

5. Write it down. This commits you to following your plan. 

    

I hope these ideas will help you achieve your wildest dreams during 2012. 

“I will instruct you and show you the way you should walk; I will counsel you, keeping my eye on you.”  Psalm 32:8

Blessings, Dottie

Changing Habits

We are captive to our habits. We want to change our ways and accomplish more—whether it’s pursuing a hobby, getting in better shape physically or finishing a to-do list.  You may be disorganized and a good procrastinator.  If you really want to change you can, but you must set clear goals and change your habits.

       Habits rule us whether they are bad or good.  We develop a variety of habits or routines throughout our life time.  Habits help us in many ways.  Good habits, firmly established take little thought.  We do them almost automatically.  We drive to work taking the same route each day.  We pay our bills at the same time each month.  We go to church every Sunday.  These are all habits or routines we’ve established.

       Habits begin with one thought.  That’s right ONE THOUGHT!  We think about doing something and we decide to do it. If we’re changing a negative habit, for example in our diet, we now have an attitude of caution and awareness about what we eat.  We also have an “I can” attitude and feel optimistic about accomplishing our goal. The attitude change leads to an action which leads to a repeated action and eventually we have a habit. The key is to keep doing the new behavior for six or eight weeks. It will take this long to establish a new habit.

       A negative habit is overcome one day at a time, the same way it began.  A new habit is established one day at a time.  Here are a few tips to help you:

       1.  Focus on your successes and congratulate yourself for these. 

       2.  Expect to relapse and learn from them.  Not many can change a habit instantly.  When you learned to ride a bike you fell down a few times before you could balance.  The same is true for creating a new habit.  The relapses can teach you things.  What thoughts or feelings triggered your return to old habits?

       3.  You do have will power. Our will is a powerful part of us, capable of choosing to control our actions.  Say to yourself, “I will.”  And don’t say, “I won’t” or “I can’t” or “I’ll try.”  Be positive and be determined to succeed.

       4.  Align your will with God’s will; ask his help in overcoming your weaknesses. This is helpful in all circumstances but essential to breaking an addiction.

       5.  Take every thought captive. A habit starts with one thought and is maintained or broken by our thoughts.  For example, to break the worry habit stop every worry thought as soon as you notice it and replace it with a positive thought or image.

       I hope these ideas help you change your habits and accomplish your goals. I’ll write more on goal setting in a couple of weeks.

       “As a man thinks in his heart so is he.” Proverbs 23:7

       Blessings, Dottie

Retirement: What do I want to be when I grow up?

Retirement may look like the Promised Land until you get there. After a few weeks of catching up on sleep and chores, the freedom may morph into too much time alone with nothing to do. You miss the daily connections you had at work. You miss your familiar routines. You may even miss the work. You picture the days and weeks ahead with little or nothing planned and wonder “What do I want to be in retirement?”

Retirement has no structure. We’re free to choose how we use our time. At first there’s delight in having the time for projects long postponed or neglected and time to begin new ventures or hobbies. However, with no pressure or structure from outside the impetus to be disciplined or to go in new directions may evaporate. To have the kind of retirement you want will take courage and discipline.

Here are my suggestions for how to plan and enjoy retirement:

1. Think of retirement as a wonderful new beginning. It’s a time to be more relaxed and a time to pursue other interests.

2. Think of the first year as a time of transition. Be upbeat when possible but give yourself grace when you are at loose ends. Remind your self you’re adjusting to a whole new way of life.

3. Discipline your life. Make a flexible schedule of chores so you will accomplish the things you’ve always wanted to do. Let’s face it. Most of us are lazy and don’t get around to doing the things we should do. List the chores to be done. For example, you will do laundry on Monday, pay bills on Tuesday, shop on Thursday, and clean your home on Friday. Then stick with the schedule.

4. Schedule daily exercise. Take walks or join the Y for exercise classes. This is one of the best preventive medicines for aging there is. And you now have the time to really get in shape.

5. Revitalize your life! Pursue a new interest or learn more about an old one. Plan it, schedule it and follow your plan.

6. Give to others. We forget our own problems when we help those in greater need. Look for neighbors in need or offer to help your favorite charity.

7. Pay attention to your spiritual health and growth. Find a church that inspires and challenges you and be active there.

Grey hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life. Proverbs 16: 31

Blessings, Dottie