CHANGE

Change is always with us. I began this blog nine years ago on April 6th and wrote then about Change. Today I’m making another Change. I’m taking a long vacation from my blog - probably a permanent vacation. I need to simplify my life and this step will help. It’s a hard decision as I have enjoyed writing my blog and knowing that a few people at least were gaining ideas or even help from the information I shared. 

Nine years is a long time. My life on earth is probably going to end before April 6^th of 2030. I’m looking forward to winding up my days here in meaningful ways and I’m looking forward to eternity in heaven! It will be amazing to spend eternity in the presence of almighty God. If you don’t believe so see my book reviews on books about heaven! (Click on the word heaven in LABELS to the right of this.) Also you can pick any topic any time to read more. The blog will stay on line for another decade I would think!

I hope that my blogs have been true to the heart and mind of God in Christ Jesus. I pray that all who have read my blog will continue to seek God, deepen their faith in Christ and follow his guidance. Don’t miss the blessings of knowing and loving Him.

“This same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches which have been given to us by Christ Jesus.” Phillippians 4:19

Blessings, Dottie

STAYING YOUNG AT HEART

Q. My husband and I are both retired and starting to feel our age. Our eyesight and hearing aren’t as good as they used to be and we tire more quickly. We have aches and pains but so far our doctor has found nothing major wrong. Some times we feel life is almost over. Some times we’re bored and lonely. We don’t want to give up on life as we know this can affect us physically as well as mentally. What can we do to stay young at heart.

A. Physical aging is inevitable for all of us but a positive attitude does slow down this process and can make our aging years more enjoyable. In addition to keeping our bodies healthy with proper diet, exercise and medical care, we need to learn how to stay young at heart. Here are ten ideas that can help us stay young.

1. Don’t let your age get in the way of your activities. Life is for living. Do the things you enjoy. We live in an age when even the physically handicapped can stay involved in many activities.

2. Keep on learning. Our minds and hearts stay young when we’re actively engaged in something of interest to us. Join an adult education class, an art class, an interest group or a Bible class. 

3. Laugh and have fun. Look for humor in the daily events of life. Play games with friends, children or grandchildren. Spend time with a four year old and laugh every time they laugh.

4. Volunteer to help someone in need. We all have something to contribute. We can visit a shut in. We can help a single parent with repairs or errands or baby-sitting.  We can volunteer at a hospital or a food pantry. When we contribute our time, our attention and our abilities to others we help ourselves as well as our community. When we give of ourselves we feel young at heart. 

5. Make your relationships a high priority. Reach out to family members and stay connected. Plan reunions with siblings, cousins, and other relatives.  E-mail makes it possible to keep in touch with family and friends across long distances. 

6. Take care of unfinished business. Let go of grudges or resentments. Forgive those who have hurt you and ask those you have hurt to forgive you. Hanging onto resentment hurts us physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. If you have trouble letting go of past hurts or traumas get help from a counselor or pastor. 

7. Expect change and learn to accept it. The longer we live the more things will change, especially in this day and age. Our tendency is to resist change even when it’s a change for the better. Change stretches us and can keep us young if we learn from it or view it positively.

8. Be open to making new friends. Join church groups or interest groups where this can happen. As we grow older we will lose many friends as a result of moves or death. Loneliness and isolation are primary causes of depression and illness among the elderly. We need to stay connected with others.

9. Learn to just be. Most of our life we’re busy doing. We think we’re only valuable for what we do; for what we contribute. In our later years we have the luxury of relaxing. It’s O.K. to just be. You are valuable as a person just for who you are.

10. Deepen your relationship with God. Faith is a miracle cure for many ills! You now have time for prayer, Bible study and worship. God will comfort you in times of despair and will bring joy to your heart as well.

“Seek his will in all you do and he will show you which path to take.” Proverbs 3:6 NLT

Blessings, Dottie

Overcoming the Winter Doldrums

Q. I dread winter. I hate driving to work in the dark and driving home in the dark. I hate being cooped up inside most evenings and weekends because it’s too cold or snowy or icy to go out. I become bored and depressed every year around the first of January. 

       

My husband and children don’t seem to mind being cooped up. They stretch out in front of the TV for entire weekends.  We can’t move to a warmer climate because our jobs and families are here. What can I do to make the winter bearable for me?

A. For most of us there is a post-holiday let down that often coincides with very wintry weather. The cold, dark days of winter are difficult for most of us. There are a number of things you can do that will help you find some enjoyment in the winter months.

1. Spend a week thinking about what you do like or enjoy about winter. Make a list and add to it as you think of things. For instance, my list would include taking brisk walks, time to relax and do nothing, the warmth of a fire in the fireplace, and the beauty of new fallen snow.

2. Once you have made your list keep it where you will see it often and focus your mind on these things whenever a negative thought about the winter creeps in and begins to depress you. Some of your depression regarding winter is due to your negative thinking about it.

       

3. What are your goals in life? What is your purpose? If you know the answers to these questions you can find things to do to move you toward your goals - even in the winter.

       

4. Use the winter months to accomplish some of the things you usually put off doing. Clean closets, put pictures in photo albums, write letters, cook special meals, play with your children letting them suggest the game or activity, invite friends over for soup and sandwiches.

       

5. Think of fun things you can do at home with your husband or family. Rent a funny movie, play board games or card games, make taffy or fudge, cuddle with your husband while he watches football.

6. Don’t be stuck in the house every evening and all weekend even if your husband and family like it that way. Find places to go. There are inexpensive or free activities many places. You can take a class that interests you. You can visit a museum. You can volunteer to help someone in need. You can be active in a church.

7. Find some alone activities that you enjoy and do them when the rest of the family is lounging by the TV. You can knit, crochet or work on crafts. You can read a good book. You can exercise indoors.

       

8. Learn to enjoy winter sports. Ice skating, sledding and skiing are available during some of our winters. When it snows, get out and build a snowman in your yard!

       

9. Do something different. This is one of the best ways to overcome boredom and depression. It sounds too simple to be true but it works. We tend to be stuck in routines of behavior that are repetitious and not spontaneous. When we do something different we step out of our rut. 

       

I hope these ideas will help you enjoy your winter. 

“Consider it all joy, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.” James 1:2-3

Blessings, Dottie

WAKE UP CALLS

Q. My life never seems to go the way I want it to go. I move from one underpaid job to another and from one crisis to another. Six months ago I had a car accident and I was down sized from my job. Now I work for a company which may go out of business soon. My apartment was also flooded in the recent torrential rain fall. I know everyone’s dealing with the threat of terrorism but I was in crisis even before that. Why does all this disaster follow me around? 

A. Life is sending you many “wake up calls” rather than “disasters.” Wake up calls happen to all of us. Accidents, flooded apartments, job problems or changes upset us.  However, we don’t have to let these shape our lives. Someone has said, it’s not what happens to us but how we react to it that matters. Scott Peck, well known psychiatrist and author, says that life on earth is a celestial boot camp. Troubles can help us grow. 

          

In order to have the life you want you need a clear idea of what you want. You also must take risks to make this happen. Most of us avoid change. We muddle along in a job that isn’t satisfying and give little thought to where we want to go in life. It’s almost as though we’re sleep walking through life.

          

Crisis points in our life can force us out of our ruts. The Chinese character for crisis also means opportunity. When a job change is inevitable or an auto accident shakes our world we might look on these as wake up calls. Rather than seeing only the negative side to difficulties we can see them as an opportunity to grow, an opportunity to change the direction of our lives.To use problems as opportunities do the following:

          

1. Don’t get mad and don’t get even. Don’t blame others for the things that happen to you. Instead, take an honest look at yourself and the part you play in the way your life has gone. You may have come from a dysfunctional family but now you’re responsible for your life and you don’t have to let what’s happened in the past contaminate the future. Blaming others prevents us from growing. Anger, resentment and self pity keep us stuck. Get counseling if these are big issues for you.

          

2. Listen to each wake-up call “Life” sends you. Wake up calls are events that shake us up, that force us to change our lives in some way. A wake up call may even challenge our beliefs and values. When major changes are complicating or disrupting our lives we’re more open to growth because we’re forced out of our ruts. 

          

3. Take a risk as you plan your future life. Apply for jobs that pay you well. Take courses to up grade your skills. Do something new that feels risky. We may have difficulty sleeping and have physical symptoms. Change is scary. But this is how we grow. Your fear and other distressful feelings will not last. Too often we settle for a mediocre life instead of pursuing our dreams. 

                                                                                                                                               4. Discover meaning and purpose in your life.  What gives your life meaning? What is your purpose in life?  Faith in God will help you through a difficult transition and will give your life meaning.  Focusing on your purpose in life will clarify your direction and goals. 

          

5. Seek counseling when faced with a major loss that is overwhelming or when making a very difficult transition. It’s a sign of strength not weakness to acknowledge the need for help.

“Consider it all joy, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.” James 1: 2-3

Blessings, Dottie

God’s Will, Change and Letting Go of Stuff

God surprised us this year! Our life has changed dramatically. My husband and I just began a new chapter in our life. After living in family homes all our life we have moved to a retirement community. This is a surprising and unexpected decision as we’d always said we wanted to live in our home ‘til the end of our life. I wrote a book called Changing Churches published in 2012. Now I could write a book called Changing Houses! 

We had not thought of moving, yet I prayed in my journal on January 1, 2017 “Father, let me live more simply in the coming year.” Also on January 10th I wrote “Let me know what you want me to do at this point in my life. Guide me in getting rid of stuff and in leaning on you.”  Be careful what you pray for!

The decision to move had to be God inspired as we made the decision out of the blue and both of us felt good about it. (Most of the time.)

Well, if you decide to go into a retirement community you HAVE to get rid of stuff big time. So for the last four months – from April 21 to August 31^st we got rid of 50% of our belongings. This is no exaggeration. It has been quite an interesting process of letting go. And it has mostly felt good.

Of course I let go of clothes that no longer fit me properly. Why do we delay this when we have lots of closet space? We weeded out every category of belonging. It never occurred to me before this that we didn’t need four or five casserole dishes, or we didn’t need to keep a set of 36 glasses we never really liked. It never occurred to me we didn’t need ten individual wooden salad bowls when we only used them when eating alone.

I was surprised to realize how much stuff we had. For example we had 15 lamps and used them all in our former house. We let go of four of these (our new house has fewer windows so we still need many lamps). We also had twelve small rugs to wipe your feet on at entries. We kept six.

Some adaptation is required with any change and especially when you move to a new home. Usually a new place is arranged differently. Well, I discovered the new place has only two drawers in the kitchen. My former kitchen has eleven drawers!! So…I’ve had to adapt. I made sewing kit out of a very sturdy box and things fit in their perfectly! Similarly, I made First Aid kit to hold band aids, gause, ointments,and so forth using a sturdy I-Pad box.  

I enjoyed giving away things that we could not take with us. I had friends over for lunch and gave away several vases and two pitchers. Another friend is now enjoying my Precious Moments figures. We provided some furniture for our grandchildren’s college apartments, and for our daughter and a missionary couple. And a neighbor loved a pair of my pajamas and my ivy plants growing in water. It felt great to have someone else enjoy the use of these items. Good Will also received many items from us!

We no longer need so much stuff, nor do we need such a big space. We have used our house to entertain and to help a few people over the years – using all the finished basement space for wedding party guests twice and for storing missionary furniture. We are so glad we could do this.

God led us to our last house and blessed us with it. I’m convinced he led us to our current home and we already feel blessed to be here. It is especially freeing to me as the detail person in the family. I have so much less to take care of now. I can be more relaxed and more involved with others. I believe that’s what God wants for now.

Blessings, Dottie

“Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, ‘This is the way, walk in it.’” Isaiah 30:21 NIV

CHANGING HABITS and ACHIEVING GOALS

Q. I seem to have no will power. Every New Year I decide to diet and after about ten days I’m back to eating sweets and eating too much. I decide to exercise and the same thing happens.  I’m also a worrier and don’t know how to stop worrying. How can I change my bad habits and develop some good ones? How can reach my dreams and goals? 

A. Webster’s dictionary defines habit as “a thing done often and hence easily, a custom, a usual way of doing things.” We develop a variety of habits or routines throughout our life time. We may wake up at the same time every day; get ready in the same order - shower, dress, breakfast. We may even have a routine of always putting on our left shoe before we put on our right shoe. 

      Habits or routines help us in many ways. Good habits, firmly established take little thought. We do them almost automatically. We drive to work taking the same route each day. We pay our bills at the same time each month. We go to church every Sunday. These are all habits or routines we’ve established.

Habits rule us whether they are bad or good. We are captive to our habits. We want to change our ways and accomplish more—whether it’s losing weight, exercising more or finishing a to-do list. So why don’t we? If you really want to change you can, but you must set clear goals and change your habits.

       New habits begin with one thought. That’s right ONE THOUGHT!  We think about doing something and we decide to do it. If we’re changing a negative habit, for example in our diet, we now have an attitude of caution and awareness about what we eat. We also have an “I can” attitude and feel optimistic about accomplishing our goal. The attitude change leads to an action which leads to a repeated action and eventually we have a habit. 

     

      The key is to keep doing the new behavior for six or eight weeks. It will take this long to establish a new habit. A negative habit is overcome one day at a time, the same way it began. A new habit is established one day at a time. Here are a few tips to help you:

      1. Focus on your successes and congratulate yourself for these. 

      2. Expect relapses and learn from them. Not many can change a habit instantly. When you learned to ride a bike you fell down a few times before you could balance. The same is true for creating a new habit. The relapses can teach you things. What thoughts or feelings triggered your return to old habits?

      3. You do have will power. Our will is a powerful part of us, capable of choosing to control our actions. Say to yourself, “I will.” And don’t say, “I won’t” or “I can’t” or “I’ll try.” Be positive and be determined to succeed.

      4. Align your will with God’s will; ask his help in overcoming your weaknesses. This is helpful in all circumstances but essential to breaking an addiction.

      5. Take every thought captive. A habit starts with one thought and is maintained or broken by our thoughts. For example, to break the worry habit stop every worry thought as soon as you notice it and replace it with a positive thought or image.

Here are a few thought provoking quotations on habits:

·      “Habits are to the soul what the veins and arteries are to the blood, the courses in which it moves.”  Horace Bushnell 

·      “Habit, if not resisted, soon becomes necessity.”  Augustine

·      “What a curious phenomenon it is that you can get men to die for the liberty of the world who will not make the little sacrifice that is needed to free themselves from their own individual bondage.”  Bruce Barton

·      “Sow an act and you reap a habit; sow a habit and you reap a character; sow a character and you reap a destiny.”  G. D. Boardman

      I hope these ideas help you change your habits and accomplish your goals.

     

     “As a man thinks in his heart so is he.”  Proverbs 23:7

      Blessings, Dottie

MARRIAGE MORPHING

Q.  My marriage has been unhappy for many years. My husband and I don’t see eye to eye on any topic and now we barely communicate. My husband wants us to see a counselor or take a communication course. If I thought we could make the marriage better I would see some point to doing this but I don’t believe people or marriages can really change. What do you and other experts say?

A. We can change ourselves and our relationships more than we think we can. Some years ago six year old boys were obsessed with “Morphing Power Rangers” who were able to “morph” into heroes, transformed by new abilities to do amazing things. Since then the word “morph” has become part of our vocabulary. The root for the term “morph” comes from the process of metamorphosis which is used in describing the transformation that occurs when a caterpillar “morphs” into a butterfly. What a dramatic change!

John Ortberg, in his book, The Life You’ve Always Wanted, says “It’s not just six year old boys who want to morph. The desire for transformation lies deep in every human heart. This is why people enter therapy, join health clubs, get into recovery groups, read self-help books, attend motivational seminars, and make New Year’s resolutions. The possibility of transformation is the essence of hope.” 

   

Not only do we have the desire to change many of us succeed at it. It’s not just butterflies who are capable of “morphing.” Many of us avoid change, fear change and are more comfortable staying as we are. But we are all capable of change. We may not be able to change as completely as the caterpillar does but we can change our thinking, our habits, our actions, our attitudes, our knowledge and skills, and our reactions to others. 

   

We avoid change because it takes work and its strange territory. Change means doing something out of our comfort zone. It means taking a risk. In a marriage it means opening up and sharing inner pain. It means learning to forgive and forget past hurts. It means learning to listen to each other and understand a different point of view. 

   

Marriages can change when only one person begins to change. When both work together on change they can reinvent their marriage and make it as different as a caterpillar is to a butterfly. I have seen this happen over and over.

We are conditioned by our past experiences, especially early childhood experiences. These limitations are often due to our thoughts and beliefs about our past, rather than to reality. In other words we don’t have to remain bound by our past. Psychologist Aaron Beck says that “the single belief most toxic to a relationship is the belief that the other person cannot change.” We also don’t realize the powerful difference even a small change in our own attitudes or actions can make. 

The Christian faith, when taken seriously, can also transform you and your relationships. Seek to know God and be active in a vital church. Change is not easy, but with the help of a mighty God change can amaze you.

A Christian counselor can help you and your husband break through power struggles or impasses causing difficulties. I also urge you to join The Third Option, A Weekend to Remember or Marriage Encounter. These Christian marriage groups teach couples how to understand each other and make positive changes in their relationship.

   

Take a chance and begin “morphing” your marriage. 

“Don’t copy the customs and behavior of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.” Romans 12:2 NLT

Blessings, Dottie

The War Inside Us

Q. I’m not happy with myself, my relationships or my job. Friends and family members are negative and critical and I get my feelings hurt easily. I also get angry when they won’t listen to me or do things my way. Life seems like such a struggle. What’s my problem? What can I do to have a better life?

A. Life is a struggle for all of us at times. However, many of our struggles with others are reflections of the civil war going on inside of us. Much of our unhappiness is due to a lack of inner harmony. For example, one side of us may recognize the need to lose weight and want to do so. The other side of us rebels against this and may even feel “safer” with the extra weight. Similarly, one side of us wants to risk changing jobs. The other side is fearful and holds us back. You can’t control other people but you can change your thinking and your decisions. You can stop the inner war. Ask yourself these questions:

• What is my purpose in life? What are my beliefs and values? Your life will feel aimless or unhappy until you know your purpose. And you will be at war with yourself unless your way of life is consistent with your beliefs and values. Ask God to reveal his purpose for your life.

• Where do I want to be five years from now? If you know your goals in life but are taking no steps toward them you will feel stuck or disappointed with yourself. Prayerfully develop a plan for your life.

 

• What am I avoiding? We need to face the things that disturb us in order to overcome them. Many of us have inner pain we avoid. Facing it feels risky, but the results are freeing. Write out your hurt and pain or tell a trusted friend or counselor.

         

• Who do I need to forgive? Bitterness harms us physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. When we hold a grudge we allow ourselves to be controlled by the past and by someone else. We also need to forgive ourselves and make amends to those we have hurt or wronged. Ask God to forgive you, too. He will welcome your confession.

 

• What do I lie about? Our pretenses take enormous energy and rob us of our freedom. Telling the truth and revealing ourselves takes courage. We need to accept ourselves as we are and be real. Write about telling the truth and vow before God not to lie or pretend again.

•Do I spend time on the things that are really important? The story is told of a grim, unhappy librarian on a college campus. A colleague, who saw her walking across campus happy and smiling, said "I've never seen you so happy." She replied, "I'm ecstatic. Its spring break and the students have left, so I've been able to get all the books back in the library!"

The librarian had a misperception about her job. She thought her job was to keep the books in the library rather than to loan them out. How often do we focus all our attention on the details of living and forget to spend time enjoying our families and friends and sharing our love with them?

         

•Where does God fit into my life? The Psalmist says, “My soul is restless until it rests in you.” Knowing God brings inner peace. Our “warring” sides find unity in the divine. Seek Him and you will find Him.

         

Your answers to the above questions will help you make your life more meaningful and satisfying. As you make changes pay attention to the part of yourself that holds back or sabotages your efforts. Listen to that part of yourself but don’t let it stop you. Talk back reassuringly to the needy, fearful self. Ask God for courage, too.

If you don’t make progress on your own find a Christian pastor or counselor who will mentor you. You might also read Self Talk, Soul Talk by Jennifer Rothchild, or Lord, I Want to Be Whole by Stormie Omartian.

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go, I will counsel you and watch over you. Psalm 32:8

Blessings, Dottie

Doing Hard Things & Making A Difference

This was published on my blog on April 18, 2010. Some how it was taken down so I'm adding it here in February 2015.

We’ve been talking about choosing change and doing hard things. If you want to

be inspired to change, to take risks, to help others – I have two books to recommend.

Three Cups of Tea:

One Man's Mission to Promote Peace...One School at a Time

By Greg Mortenson

This is an inspiring true story of one man’s determination to build schools in a remote and dangerous area of Pakistan. Mortenson, in the Himalaya’s mountain climbing, ran into difficulty and was rescued by the people in a remote village. He promised he would return and build them a school. And he did – plus much more.

Do Hard Things: A Teen-age Rebellion Against Low Expectations

By Alex and Brett Harris

This book was written by the Harris twins when they were 18 years old. They had already done amazing things with their life. Read and be amazed and challenged.

Is anything too hard for the Lord? Genesis 18:14

Both of these books challenge and inspire me to do God’s will even when it’s hard.

Blessings, Dottie

Teen Advice: Graduation Fears

Q. I'm a senior in high school and I can’t believe my high school days are almost over. I dread losing my high school friends. I know some of us will keep in touch but it will be different. I had lots of fun and free time in high school and I won’t have that any more. I also have no idea what I want to study in college. My friends say they’re worried but they seem more settled than I am. Are my feelings normal? What can I do to get over my graduation fears? (My Mom says I should be excited about graduating and trust God about my future.)

A. The graduation fears you’re experiencing are normal. Graduation from high school is a major transition point in life. Any major change may cause anxiety, and confusion and even depression in some young people. Often students are on edge when graduation is near. The expectation that they will now have to take on adult responsibilities is a scary reality. The student wonders can I make it in the “real world”? 

     

It’s good you are aware of the losses this change will bring into your life. Many deny their feelings or pretend all is fine. Change will impact all graduates. Even if you keep in touch with close friends after high school, there will not be the daily contact school affords. It’s normal to feel sad or unsettled about the changes, especially the loss of close friends. Your uncertainty about your college major is also common. Many students are undecided about their major even after a year or two of college.

Talk about how you’re feeling with a parent or a close friend. This will give you another perspective on your issues. Talk with a student advisor at the college you will attend to help you decide what courses to take. In most colleges you do not need to declare a major immediately. Many students change majors or seek a job after college in an area not related to their major. Even if you choose a major that doesn’t work out, it won’t be the end of your life. Many employers will train employees on the job. 

     

Have you thought of the positive side of the changes you face? Begin to think of college as a new and exciting adventure in your life. You may lose touch with some high school friends, but you will be meeting new people and making new friends in college. Though you will be busy and have to work hard, you will learn and grow from these new experiences. 

Take one day at a time as you go through the final weeks of high school and the weeks that follow graduation. You can’t solve all of the issues facing you at once. Take time to have fun with your friends during your last weeks together. 

There will be cause for celebration when you graduate, in spite of your feelings. You will have made it through high school - an achievement not everyone manages. You can feel pride and a sense of accomplishment in this. As your Mom said, be excited about graduating and trust God  for your future.

           

Congratulations graduate! Commencement doesn’t mean the end, it means a new beginning!

“Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1 

Blessings, Dottie

                                                                                                                                                             

Change That Transforms

Scripture says: “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God who reconciled us to himself through Christ.” (2 Cor. 5:17-18)

So those who are in Christ – those who have committed their lives to Him - are completely transformed! We are new creations! Some times this is hard to believe.

In my book Changing Churches I compare Christ-like transformation to the dramatic change that happens when a caterpillar becomes a butterfly. Think about the complete metamorphosis a caterpillar experiences. The caterpillar must “die to “self.”  Buried in his cocoon for a while, at just the right time he struggles to emerge. A colorful creature appears. What an amazing change! What a marvelous transformation!

Are we new creations yet? Have we been transformed? We live a seemingly caterpillar life in this world much of the time. But as Christians we are being changed by His love and grace. Our change is a process engineered by the Holy Spirit. We are in Christ and He is in us. He molds and makes us after His will. We must renew our minds by soaking in His Word. We must “die to self” daily. When we do this focusing our eyes on Him we become new creations – like butterflies.

When “butterfly” Christians are unified as a church we are transformed into His Body here on earth. Are we amazed by this? I certainly am. Jesus said, “On this rock, I will build my church” (Matt. 16:18). The rock is Peter’s recognition that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of the living God. When the church is built on Him and His Word it will be a transforming church. We don’t transform ourselves, He does it. The early church lived in oneness with the Spirit and prayed continually. Ultimately they impacted the world.

Dear Father,

You are holy, holy, holy. You are Lord of Lords and King of Kings. Help us yield to your Holy Spirit, die to self and live transformed lives. Use us as channels for your transforming love, so the world may know that Jesus Christ is Lord.

In his precious name we pray. Amen.

May your life be filled with His transforming goodness and grace.

Blessings in Christ, Dottie

Change: Good, Bad or Significant?

The topic of change is huge. My book, Changing Churches tackles the issue of tremendous change in churches in recent decades. Today I’ll give illustrations of the tremendous changes in our culture in the last sixty years. Later I’ll comment on changes in churches.

Change Overload

For thousands of years “change was slow, controlled, accessible; now it convulses at warp speed” says Richard A. Swenson in his 1992 book Margins. Swenson says we pay a price for each change we face. You may recall his Life Change Index which assigned health risk to the changes experienced, detailing the various ways change overload affects us. Many of us have activity overload, choice overload, commitment overload, debt overload, decision overload, information overload, noise overload, possession overload, technology overload, and work overload. And he names even more. 

Population Changes

If change overload was a problem in 1992, imagine what it is more than twenty years later. Does anyone not have an overload problem now? Our world has changed at a rate never before experienced. The world population has grown from two billion people in 1800 to three billion in 1964, to six billion in 1999, to seven billion this year. Think of the ramifications of this. These figures boggle my mind. How have these change affected us, the world, our culture, and the church?

Changes Grandpa Remembers

Some of you may have seen or heard the forwarded email, (condensed here) “How old is Grandpa?” A grandchild asks his grandpa’s age. Grandpa replies:

     
"I was born before television, penicillin, polio shots, frozen foods, Xerox, contact lenses, Frisbees and the pill. There were no credit cards, laser beams, or ballpoint pens. Man had not invented panty hose, air conditioners, dishwashers or clothes dryers and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and man had not yet walked on the moon. We got married first, and then lived together. Every family had a mother and a father……"

     
 "Grass was mowed. Coke was a cold drink. Pot was something your mother cooked in. Rock music was you grandmother's lullaby. Aides were helpers in the principal's office. Hardware was found in a hardware store. Chip meant a  piece of wood. Software was not even a word. We were the last generation to believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby. How old is Grandpa? He is fifty-nine. Or he may be sixty-one by now."

On this Rock

In view of the change overload we all face in life, and in view of the change and corruption of our culture, the church must be a rock, a stable place. We, the church, must maintain the core doctrines and traditions of the faith. We must teach the Word in its entirety. We must hold fast to our unchanging God in Christ Jesus. “O Thou who changes not, abide with me.” Abiding in Him anchors us and also transforms us. We are new creations in Christ. This is significant change.

“On this rock I will build my church.” Matthew 16:18

Blessings, Dottie

Why is Marriage Difficult?

Marriage is a learning process. In a successful marriage we gradually learn who the other person is and they learn who we are. As with all learning, this is a painful process at times; at times it is a delight. William James said that there are six personalities involved in every relationship: What he thinks he is, what she thinks he is and what he really is; and vice versa, what she thinks she is, what he thinks she is and what she really is. Couples need to sort out all of these personalities, real and imagined. This takes time and patience.

     

Marriage can be the most difficult and frustrating relationship we’ve ever experienced as well as the most intimate, loving and secure relationship possible. Marriages typically go through several stages of development. In the initial stage, often called the honeymoon phase, we expect our mate to meet our every need and we expect him or her to be like we are. This is a self-centered stage; we are mainly concerned about our own wishes and we have little understanding of our mate and his needs or wishes.

     

Since both partners are largely concerned about themselves, a power struggle emerges. This is settled, after some struggle and negotiation, by bargaining agreements —“You do this for me and I’ll do that for you.” The power struggle/negotiation stage is often where couples are stuck.

     

In the third stage of marital development couples learn to appreciate each other’s individuality and they learn to give. They value their differences and encourage each other’s growth. They have changed. They have not changed who they are or their temperament, but they have changed their habits, their attitudes, their reactions and their responses to each other. They may even show their love by giving what the other wants or needs without thought of being repaid and even with some inconvenience to themselves.

     

Couples often remain stuck in the second stage. The key to a successful marriage is to be willing to learn from every problem or conflict without trying to make your partner also learn. If you change, your partner will come along. Marriages become stuck when both partners avoid change. We need to let go of old habits and learn to see things from a different perspective.

     

If you are stuck in stage two it may help to approach each other in a different way than you usually do. Begin with positive things you feel about each other. Ask for your partner’s opinion before you give your own. Listen carefully to what he or she says and try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes. Listen to your partner’s thoughts without jumping to defend yourself.

“Change your ways. Encourage each other. Live in harmony and peace.  2 Corinthians 13:11 NLT

Blessings, Dottie

WARNING LABEL NEEDED

We hear a great deal about truth in advertising.  Labels on medication and on cigarettes for example must be accurate and must warn of any side effects. 

Well, does your church need a warning label? All churches should need one saying:

 

Coming here may be hazardous to your secular way of life; to your status quo, to the rut you're in.  There are side effects to coming here:

You may discover your soul.

You may discover meaning and purpose in life. 

You may get in touch with feelings of joy, wonder, gratitude, and love. 

You may feel the presence of God.

You may be touched by the Holy Spirit

And you may fall on your knees at Jesus feet. 

I know because all these side effects happened to me.