A CARING FATHER

 Q.  My father worked long hours to support the family. As a result he was never able to spend much time with his children. I’ve repeated his pattern - I focus most of my energies on my work. I thought my wife and children understood I was working for them. 

Recently my eight year old son talked back to me. This surprised and upset me. When we both calmed down he told me he dislikes my being away so much and he doesn’t believe I really care about him. I'm afraid the two younger kids may feel the same way. I have to work. What can I do to convince my kids I care?

A. Men are often torn between their work and their families. They are taught to assume the major responsibility for supporting their family financially and they are often not taught the importance of their role as a parent.

It’s good that you’re now aware that your children need to spend time with you and need to know you love them. You have learned this soon enough to do something about it. One of the great regrets men often have in their fifties is that they never got to know their children.

At a men’s conference, Patrick Morley, author of The Man in the Mirror, asked the men present whose pictures they carry in their wallets. The men proudly showed pictures of their children and their wife. He then noted that none of them carried a picture of their employer. Similarly, Lee Iacocca has said that no one on their death bed ever wishes they had spent more time at work. Morley suggests that men make a list of the top five ways they use their time. Then make a list of your most important relationships. Then compare them. He wonders if the ways we spend our time are related to the most important people in our life.

We all no doubt spend the largest block of time with our work and with our family. And this is as it should be. However, which is our first priority? We often make our work number one, even taking work home with us. We compartmentalize our families when we should compartmentalize our work. Think of ways you can reverse this. 

    

Patrick Morley says that a child’s greatest need is to have their father’s encouragement. Here are some things you that will encourage your children and help you connect with them. 

    

1. Spend time with them. Time means love to a child. Listen to them, play with them, have fun with them, take them places. 

    

2. Encourage them with words of love and appreciation often. Say “I love you.” Say, “I’m proud of you,” and be specific about what you are proud of. Give much more praise and affirmation than criticism or correction.

    

3.  Be affectionate. Give hugs, kisses, pats on the back. Hold them on your lap. Read to them as they sit close to you. 

    

4. Set loving limits but don’t set too many rules. Don’t pressure them with expectations they can’t meet. Don’t pressure them to perform. Too much structure discourages children. Give grace. “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” Remember they’re still learning. See things from the child’s point of view.

    

5. Pray with them and pray for them. A bed time ritual of saying prayers together can bond you together.

    

This Father’s day, as we honor our Dads let’s give them time, attention, affirmations and affection. Dads in our society often think they’re only valued as the economic support of the family. Let’s let them know how loved and important they are to us.

“May the Lord bless you more and more, both you and your children.” Psalm 115.14

Blessings, Dottie

LESS TV BRINGS HEALTH & HAPPINESS

Q. Television is ruining my family. I want to talk and connect with my kids and with my husband but the TV is always on. I’ve heard that TV with all the violence isn’t good for the kids and this worries me, also. I’ve told my husband how I feel but he says he’s tired after work and TV helps him relax. He doesn’t think it hurts the kids. What do you think?

A. You are correct in your belief that too much TV viewing is harmful. There’s a great deal of research which links TV watching to a variety of health problems. Obesity is one of these. Experts believe that the biggest cause of weight gain in the United States is the time spent vegetating in front of the TV. 

         

There is also evidence that the passive nature of television viewing affects the brain development of children. One study showed that both children and adults exposed to TV suffered a 20% decrease in creativity. TV may be the cause of the 20% decline in SAT scores in the last 25 years. 

         

Television interferes with thinking, with using our minds actively. Reading a book, playing a game or talking with a friend requires more. We must use our minds, our imaginations, and invest ourselves. These skills are lost when not exercised. An activity that engages our interest and imagination enriches the brain, even in adults.

         

There has been concern about the amount of violence and sexually suggestive or even immoral content in much TV programming. The effect of this violent or sexually promiscuous content cannot be positive for children, families or for our society.

         

In addition there is research which shows that the more TV viewing a person engages in the less they are involved in relationships with others, in civic, church or social activities.  Martin Seligman, psychologist, says that people who are passive, watching television are less likely to report they are happy than people who are actively doing things. 

         

Depression has increased in our society in recent decades. A study of the Amish, who do not own or watch television, showed that they have a significantly lower rate of depression than the general population. Many studies show that engagement with others is a key ingredient to health. You and your family will be happier and healthier if you turn off the TV and get involved with other people. 

         

Watching television kills conversation in families and between couples. It prevents intimacy. Marriages drift into trouble when there is little time for connecting. Children also need time to talk in order to feel loved and to learn to connect with others. 

Talk over with your husband the information about the effects of TV on all of us. Work out a plan with him to gradually decrease the amount of TV viewing the family does.  Here are some suggestions: 

·       Turn off the TV during meals. Sit as a couple talking over coffee for a while longer after the children have finished eating.

·       If banning TV from all meals is too drastic, start with one or two TV-less meals a week. 

·       Don’t use television as background noise. Turn it off if you’re not watching.

·       Only turn on a program that interests you. 

·       Get involved in other activities. Get out board games to play with your children or with each other. Go to concerts, plays or church activities together.

         

During Lent, traditionally a time of fasting and prayer, we might all consider restricting our TV viewing. Some may want to go on a TV diet. Some may choose a total fast from TV. Forty days is long enough to establish new habits.

“Change your ways. Encourage each other. Live in harmony and peace.” 2 Corinthians 13:11 NLT

Blessings, Dottie

The Worst Things Good Parents Do

Q.  My husband and I have different ideas about how to parent our children. We know we must work together on parenting or the children will play us against each other. Can you give us ideas to guide us in our parenting?

A.  There are many excellent parenting books as well as some parenting courses which are helpful. One book with sound ideas is The Seven Worst Things Good Parents Do by John C. Friel, Ph.D. and Linda D. Friel, M.A. The authors say that obviously there are much worse things parents can do such as abusing or neglecting their children. They chose the title because so many parents thought they were doing a good job because they weren’t torturing their children.

Here is their list of the seven worst things good parents do with a brief comment about each one. Some of the things on their list may surprise you.

         

1. Baby your child. Do you do everything for your child? Do you give your child constant attention? Do you give in to keep your child happy? Children who are babied may never learn to think and do for themselves. They will be ill equipped for the struggles of life.

         

2. Put your marriage last. Your marriage must have priority. This doesn’t mean you neglect your children. They do need time and attention. But parents need at least a few minutes on a daily basis to talk privately, to connect with each other. A regular night out together is also important. Children who are always the focus of attention have difficulty leaving home and have no idea of what a healthy marriage looks like.

         

3. Push your child into too many activities. Many parents and children in today’s world are over scheduled. If life feels like a treadmill to you, it may feel that way to your child as well. We need unscheduled time to relax and be with each other. 

         

4. Ignore your emotional or spiritual life. We all need time to be alone with ourselves and time to meditate or pray. This benefits us as well as enhancing all our relationships.  The authors say that “parents who are sincerely humble, grateful and prayerful ... produce children who are much the same.”

         

5. Be your child’s best friend. There needs to be a clear but flexible boundary between parents and their children. When the boundary is weak or missing the result is chaos, with no one in charge. When the boundary is rigid children are unable to connect with their parents.

6. Fail to give your child structure. Children learn internal control of their impulses by first experiencing external control. Parents teach their children to delay gratification by a few clear, consistent rules. As they grow they internalize these rules. They learn self control.

         

7. Expect your child to fulfill your dreams. Teens need to follow their own dreams as they move into adulthood. They may not pick the career you wanted for them, they may make mistakes, and they may question your values. Parents must let go little by little. Teens will make it into successful adulthood if they have some freedom to struggle and choose their way. Parents need to provide enough structure that children develop their own internal rudders but not so much that they can’t grow up.

         

8. I would add one more very worst thing. Give your children no teaching about God, no experience in a church and no knowledge of faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. Children need to be exposed and taught the great truths of our faith. They need to be raised in a church community where others can mentor, teach and befriend them. There is so much they learn in a church – they learn they are loved, they learn moral and ethical values, they learn it is better to give than to receive. Most importantly they learn all about Jesus and will likely choose to be baptized and receive the Holy Spirit.

“Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.“ Proverbs 22:6 NASB

Blessings, Dottie

Parenting Advice: Teens & Brand Name Clothing

Q. My 13 year old daughter is already worrying about wearing the "right" or "in" clothes. She is refusing to wear the play shoes I bought her because they don't have a particular brand name on them. She wants a pair of very expensive jeans (with the brand name). Ordinarily she is easy to live with. Over this issue she seems determined and we are deadlocked. As a single parent I can't afford the fancy brands and it bothers me that she can't see that the name is unimportant. I don’t understand why this is so important to her. How should I handle this?

A. Children and teenagers from about 5th grade on often worry about "fitting in" with their crowd. Unfortunately, for many young people appearances are used to judge worth. This is because they are just beginning to figure out their own identities apart from their parents.

They are also beginning to experience many changes in their bodies and emotions as they physically mature. These changes are exciting but also scary. To provide some security, preteens and teens cluster in peer groups and the group does demand or value certain conformity in dress. In other words, your daughter has no doubt discovered that her group, or the group to which she aspires, wears the brand shoe or jean in question. Feeling socially inept due to the many changes going on within her, the clothes do assist her confidence.

Unfortunately, the manufacturers have also discovered this and they manipulate very expensive tastes among young people. And you are right; there is no reason for it. Often a $30.00 pair of shoes will wear just as well as the $80.00 pair. The same is true for jeans.

So, what do you do about it? If you say a flat no you will have a dejected child and she may make your life miserable. A power struggle at this age is seldom worth the battle. If you say yes, you will be going against your own beliefs and your own budget. When we "give-in" to our children we resent it, they sense this and feel guilty. We may also lose respect in their eyes.

The third alternative is best, though often over looked. Look for a unique solution that will satisfy you both. For example, this may be a good time to give your daughter a clothing allowance and let her spend it as she wishes. If she chooses the expensive items she will learn the consequences and have fewer clothes.

Another alternative would be to give her the amount of money you would normally spend on the item and let her put her own money with this to buy the item she wants. She may need to baby sit for a neighbor in order to afford these things. She will learn the value of money quickly once she starts earning and spending her own dollars.

Perhaps you can think of some other unique solutions that will satisfy both of you.

Intelligent people are always open to new ideas. In fact, they look for them. Proverbs 18:15 NLT

Blessings, Dottie

Parent Advice: The Value of Music

Q. I’m very upset because my child’s school may eliminate music education in order to reduce costs. Music has been important in my life and very beneficial to me. I’ve heard that music improves learning ability. Is there any scientific evidence that music enhances health and learning? 

A. Many researchers have studied the effect of music on a range of subjects. The earliest work on this subject studied the impact of the music of Mozart on preschoolers and on college students and showed a significant impact on learning. As a result of this research more studies on “the Mozart effect” have emerged.

University of Wisconsin researchers exposed laboratory rats to Mozart’s music. Those exposed learned to run mazes faster than genetically identical rats exposed to contemporary music or to white noise. Other researchers are studying the effect of music on spatial reasoning and on cognitive abilities in the fields of mathematics, architecture, visual arts and stress management.

A book by Don Campbell titled The Mozart Effect, and subtitled, Tapping the Power of Music to Heal the Body, Strengthen the Mind, and Unlock the Creative Spirit, details the evidence that music has quite an impact on learning and on health. Most would agree that music does affect us. It can make us feel happy, wistful, excited, comforted or even sad. But the research goes way beyond these effects and shows that music is good for us - physically, emotionally and spiritually.

The research found similar benefits from Gregorian chant and from some jazz, Latin, pop and even rock music. Campbell gives case histories to show the role of music in assisting in the treatment of a variety of problems: substance abuse, obesity, insomnia, heart disease and others. He also tells of the effect of music in the operating room and the impact of lullabies in soothing infants. Research on the benefits of music suggests we should:

1. Provide music education in our schools. Also, when interest is shown, children should have the opportunity to take music lessons.

2. Play music in our homes to give us a calm environment. We also should play music for infants and young children as this apparently enhances learning.

3. Listen to music every day. Choose music that inspires you, lifts your mood, or calms you.

 

4. Join a choir/musical group and encourage children to do so.

5.  Become active in a musical, singing church. 

         

Though the researchers haven’t verified this and seem to not value Christian music, I believe listening to or singing worshipful music heals our spirits and connects us with God. This produces joy, comfort and hope in us!

“Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts.” Colossians 3:16 NLT

Blessings, Dottie

For more on the healing power of music see http://faithnotes-dottie.blogspot.com/2010/08/healing-power-of-music.html#links

Parent Advice: Teenager Changing Name

Q. My teen-age daughter has recently changed the way she spells her name - from Mary to Merry. I'm very upset about this as she was named for her grandmother. About two years ago she wanted to be called "M. J." (short for Mary Jane) and I talked her out of that. We have had several arguments about the recent change and she won't listen to reason. My husband thinks we should let her do as she wants. I wonder why changing names is so important to her. What do you think?

A. Our identities are linked to our names. In fact, we each have a distinct and separate name in order to identify us as individuals. In addition we often are given or we adopt nicknames which are less formal than a full name. Nicknames are used by family and friends and carry an even more intimate and personal meaning for us.

Children are often teased about their names. This cannot be totally avoided but careful thought as we pick a baby's name can minimize this. Children who carry an unusual name or one that can easily be ridiculed are apt to suffer teasing. When we choose our child's name we have a responsibility to choose carefully. We need to choose names that show we are contented with our child's sex and names that fit well with our last name.

Children often change their nicknames as they move toward adolescence. Boys with names that have a "Y" ending often change this. For example, Johnny becomes John and Teddy becomes Ted. In a similar way, girls experiment with new nicknames. Elizabeth may become Beth or Liz. Margaret may become Peggy or Marge.

Some children will change their names as a way of forgetting an unhappy past. Carrying the name of a father not seen for many years, can be a burden. Changing one's name is one way of coping with this.

Children often yearn to change their last names to match their mother's remarried name. This has to do with wanting to belong, wanting to be accepted. Sometimes this wish can be fulfilled by the step-father adopting the child. This should not happen when there are active ties to the natural father.

Girls often change their names in adolescence. A change in spelling such as you describe from Mary to Merry, is usually a desire to make one's name seem more interesting and, at the same time, to change one's self image a little. These girls may be struggling with dissatisfaction about themselves.

Adolescence is a time of great change. A name change is a safe way for an adolescent to experiment with being different, with changing his or her personality and with breaking the parental tie. A name change may only last for a brief period. Left alone, the adolescent may emerge into adulthood and make the decision to return to their former name or former spelling of their name.

Parents do have the right to name their baby. But as the child grows up and becomes able to choose for himself, I believe its best to allow him or her to make a name change. I hear your pain about this but often its best with teenagers to loosen control and “give in” on minor, harmless issues. I hope these ideas will help all parents realize how important names are to children. We need to respect our children's wishes about their chosen name or nickname. 

“Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him.” Psalm 103:13 NASB

Blessings, Dottie

Parent Advice: The Value of Faith

Q.  My husband and I are appalled by the materialism and greed in our culture. We’ve lost close relatives recently and this has made us wonder about the purpose of life. Both of us are searching spiritually. We’re attending a church and taking our children with us. Will this help our children grow up to be less self centered and less materialistic?  Does faith affect morality?

A. You are not alone in your concerns about our culture or in your search for spiritual meaning. Research evidence shows that religious faith helps children. Stanford psychologist William Damon says children are “openly receptive to spiritual ideas” and long for a faith that will provide them with a mission in life. Children thrive with a faith which teaches concerns larger than self. Such a faith enables children to weather difficult and even traumatic life events.

Faith can help keep children and teens out of trouble.  Researchers have studied not just what causes crime but what predicts virtue.  A “spiritual sense” is one of the factors predicting moral behavior in children. The National Commission on Children agrees with these findings. They state “through participation in a religious community - in communal worship, religious education, and social action programs - children learn to assimilate the values of their faith. For many children, religion is a major force in their moral development; for some it is the chief determinant of moral behavior.”

         

Vanderbilt University criminologist Byron Johnson found that most delinquent acts were by juveniles who had little religious commitment. Church going young people were rarely delinquent. Similarly, cities with high church-going rates are usually cities with low crime rates.

How much does faith determine morality? Obviously there are many good people with no faith and many people of faith who are immoral but over all people of faith are more honest and law abiding. They also are more compassionate.

Researchers have found a clear connection between faith and generosity. A Gallup Survey showed that Americans who never attended church gave away 1.1 percent of their incomes while weekly church goers were two and a half times as generous. Twenty-four percent of the population gave 48 percent of all charitable contributions. Those who were spiritually committed also volunteered their time to help the poor, sick or elderly more often than those who declared no faith. 

         

Active involvement in your faith supports the values we all would like to see grow in our culture such as:

·      Nurture of families and family life.

·      Close relationships across generation lines; a community of people who celebrate the significant moments of life with you and miss you when you’re gone.

·      Children learning empathy, self discipline, honesty, generosity, caring for others.

·      Children and adults living the virtues of kindness, faithfulness and love.

·      A spiritual understanding that God cares for us and is with us. 

         

You’re on the right track in becoming active in a church. According to the researchers you and your family will be happier and healthier than your unchurched neighbors. More importantly, you will find peace of mind and meaning and purpose to life as you continue to seek God.

“I have come into the world as a light, so that no one who believes in me should stay in darkness.” John 12:46

Blessings, Dottie

Parent Advice: I.Q. and Emotional Intelligence

Q. I’m concerned about educating my children so they will be smart enough to do well in today’s world. A friend disagrees with me about the importance of I.Q. in predicting who will do well in life. How important is I.Q. in determining success? What characteristics lead to achievement in life? Can these traits be learned or are they fixed at birth or early in childhood?

A. In recent decades parents have been urged to teach and stimulate their infants and children from a young age. Flash cards, educational toys, playing classical music and providing lots of attention to infants is used with the expectation this will increase a child’s I.Q. and assure a child’s success in life.

While early education and stimulation may increase I.Q. slightly and infants and children do flourish with attention, new research indicates that I.Q is not the most important factor leading to health, happiness, and achievement. I.Q. is now believed to contribute only 20 percent to a person’s life success.

“Emotional intelligence” is now touted as more essential to success than I.Q. This concept is described and a wealth of research explored in Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman. The term “emotional intelligence” includes characteristics like self-awareness, impulse control, persistence, self-motivation, empathy for others and hope. 

         

People with “emotional intelligence” are able to motivate themselves and they persist in completing tasks even when they face frustrations. They are able to delay gratification and to regulate their moods. They are able to think even in emotion packed situations. They also are optimistic about themselves and about life. These are the characteristics that successful individuals possess.

These skills lead to happier relationships, increased physical health and greater career success. They also correlate with lower incidences of delinquency and drug use in children. Goleman says that children who improve their emotional skills also do better on achievement tests.

         

A key to “emotional intelligence” is being able to recognize your emotions. Someone who has a bad day may arrive home in an irritable mood and lash out at others without knowing why. When we’re able to recognize our feelings we’re able to use reason to decide how we will handle ourselves. We can control our emotions rather than being controlled by them. Self awareness enables us to use self control without repressing our emotions.

         

Another significant trait Goleman explores is optimism. Research shows when optimists fail at something they view the failure as temporary and attribute it to something they can change rather than to some lack in themselves impossible to overcome. In contrast, pessimists view failure as permanent and blame themselves.

Another trait of major importance is empathy or the ability to recognize the feelings of others. Goleman tells of a think tank for engineers where the top performers were not the ones with the highest I.Q.s, but those who were popular and good at collaborating with their co-workers. These are the people who got promoted.

         

The recognition that “emotional intelligence” is more important than I.Q. is good news. These traits can be learned whereas I.Q. is relatively fixed from a young age. We can increase our “emotional intelligence” throughout life!    

How can we teach our children “emotional intelligence”? Children learn from our behavior as well as from our words. If we model emotional intelligence they will learn this from us. We must understand that their growth toward maturity is a slow process.  We must be patient and accept their immaturity while applauding each sign that they are becoming more emotionally mature. We need to be realistic about their abilities or lacks but also optimistic and loving about them also. Our optimism greatly affects their belief in themselves.

Dr. Goleman doesn’t address “spiritual intelligence”. I dare say that a child who grows up in a loving church and develops a strong faith in God and His Word will be even more mature, intelligent and optimistic.

“The unfolding of your words gives light; it gives understanding to the simple.” Psalm 119:130

Blessings, Dottie

Parent Advice: Depression in Teens

Q.  My seventeen year old daughter seems very depressed. She is isolating herself in her room, sleeping a great deal and is very negative. This began about a month ago when she broke up with her boyfriend. When she was twelve she was depressed when her father and I got divorced and would never talk about her feelings.

Recently when I tried to talk with her about her current unhappiness she said she wished she were dead. I've heard so much about teen suicide I'm fearful. How can I tell if she is suicidal? Should I be worried? What can I do to help her out of her depression?

 A. It's good you are aware of your daughter's unhappiness. Many teenagers are depressed and some get to the point of being suicidal. Clinical depression in teens can be difficult to evaluate because many of the symptoms are also characteristics of normal adolescent development.

For example, adolescence is characterized by mood swings. One day a teen may feel happy and confident and the next day have the blues. This is due to the many hormonal changes as the teen matures physically and due to the social pressures teenagers experience. There are, nevertheless, a number of warning signs that a teenager may be suicidal. These include:

·       Looking at life in a very negative way; being unable to believe things will ever get better; lowered self-esteem.              

·       Inability to concentrate and a drop in school performance.

·       Withdrawing from friends or activities.

·       Sleeping more than usual or insomnia.

·       Loss of appetite or eating more than usual.

·       Escapes: substance abuse, promiscuous sex, fantasy.

·       Losses: parent's divorce, death of a family member, the loss of a boyfriend.

·       Previous suicide in the family.

·       Fixation on death, suicide threats, giving away belongings

·       A definite plan as to how they will commit suicide.

The number of symptoms your daughter has and the intensity and duration of them reveals how seriously depressed she is. Whether or not the symptoms are appropriate to her personality and her current life situation are also important in determining the seriousness of her depression.

Your daughter needs help. Choose a counselor who can relate to teenagers and who will provide at least an hour a week of talk therapy. Your daughter probably needs to work through mixed emotions about your divorce as well as help with grieving the breakup of her relationship with her boyfriend. Many pastors are trained as counselors and would know where to refer you if they were unable to help.

Consider this urgent and insist that your daughter see someone for evaluation and continued counseling.

“Why are you downcast O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” Psalm 42:11

Blessings, Dottie

This post appeared originally on Taber's Truths Modern Christian Living.

Eating Disorders are Life Threatening

Q.  My daughter, age 17, is very preoccupied with her weight, hardly eats at all and is too thin. I tried to talk to her about this but she became offended and clammed up. I’m concerned she may have an eating disorder. What are the symptoms of eating disorders and how are they treated? A friend told me eating disorders are life threatening. Is this true?

A. Your friend is right, eating disorders are life threatening. Many young women (and some men) in their teens and early twenties struggle with an eating disorder. They don’t recognize that they have a serious problem which usually requires medical and psychiatric intervention.

         

Anorexia is a serious, life threatening eating disorder involving deliberate starvation. A person who is anorexic has an obsession with being thin and an unrealistic standard of what constitutes thinness. Those who do not get help have a high mortality rate.   

         

Bulimia is also a life threatening eating disorder. It is characterized by recurring episodes of binge eating followed by self-induced vomiting or purging by laxatives, enemas or diuretics. Persons with bulimia have a fear of being fat and use the above methods to lose weight. Bulimics usually have less severe weight loss than anorexics. The bulimic feels shame about their problem and so is secretive about it.

         

The Consequences

The physical consequences of anorexia can include: extreme weight loss, loss of menstrual periods, constipation, hair loss, dizziness, fainting, insomnia, kidney failure and severe electrolyte imbalances which can lead to heart attacks.

 

The physical consequences of bulimia include menstrual irregularities, swollen glands, frequent weight fluctuations, chronic dehydration, kidney problems and cardiac arrhythmia. Bulimics also can have gum recession, breakdown of tooth enamel and esophageal damage from excessive vomiting. Some young people suffer from both anorexia and bulimia, an especially dangerous condition.

The psychological symptoms of anorexia and bulimia both include feelings of inferiority, obsessive thoughts, fear of obesity, perfectionism and a distorted body image.

The media contributes to this extreme obsession with appearance and an unrealistic standard of what constitutes beauty. Recent research discovered that women who viewed advertisements of thin, beautiful women felt unhappy with their own appearance after only three minutes. Teens are especially influenced by these ads.

A former supermodel Carre Otis, who was pictured on the cover of fashion magazines and featured in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, acknowledged her problem with anorexia. On ABC’s Primetime, she described going on a liquid fast for two weeks before each photo shoot. Her doctors found she had three holes in her heart.

After heart surgery she began eating three meals a day instead of one. She told Primetime, “When I first started to eat food during the day it was the most terrifying thing for me. I would eat and then...cry for hours.” For 17 years she starved herself all day and ate only a little dinner. 

         

Carre now weighs 30 pounds over her ideal model weight. But she is still beautiful and modeling offers pour in. Carre Otis is a size 12. The average American woman wears a size 14. Few women are meant to be as tiny as the women depicted in ads.

You must get help for your daughter. She should have both a medical evaluation and a psychological evaluation. She must be monitored medically while working on the underlying psychological causes of the problem. Reassure her that the medical and counseling help will be offered to her with understanding, not blame.

         

A renewal of faith can also help anorexics and bulimics. Faith in God can help them give up their need to control and their need to be perfect, learning to place their life in God’s hands. 

Blessings, Dottie

“Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28 NIV

This post appeared originally on Taber's Truths, Modern Christian Living.