Q. I’m concerned about educating my children so they will
be smart enough to do well in today’s world. A friend disagrees with me about
the importance of I.Q. in predicting who will do well in life. How important is
I.Q. in determining success? What characteristics lead to achievement in life? Can
these traits be learned or are they fixed at birth or early in childhood?
A. In recent decades parents have been urged to teach and
stimulate their infants and children from a young age. Flash cards, educational
toys, playing classical music and providing lots of attention to infants is
used with the expectation this will increase a child’s I.Q. and assure a
child’s success in life.
While early education and stimulation may increase I.Q.
slightly and infants and children do flourish with attention, new research
indicates that I.Q is not the most important factor leading to health,
happiness, and achievement. I.Q. is now believed to contribute only 20 percent
to a person’s life success.
“Emotional intelligence” is now touted as more essential
to success than I.Q. This concept is described and a wealth of research
explored in Emotional Intelligence by
Daniel Goleman. The term “emotional intelligence” includes characteristics like
self-awareness, impulse control, persistence, self-motivation, empathy for
others and hope.
People with “emotional intelligence” are able to motivate
themselves and they persist in completing tasks even when they face
frustrations. They are able to delay gratification and to regulate their moods.
They are able to think even in emotion packed situations. They also are
optimistic about themselves and about life. These are the characteristics that
successful individuals possess.
These skills lead to happier relationships, increased
physical health and greater career success. They also correlate with lower
incidences of delinquency and drug use in children. Goleman says that children
who improve their emotional skills also do better on achievement tests.
A key to “emotional intelligence” is being able to
recognize your emotions. Someone who has a bad day may arrive home in an
irritable mood and lash out at others without knowing why. When we’re able to
recognize our feelings we’re able to use reason to decide how we will handle
ourselves. We can control our emotions rather than being controlled by them.
Self awareness enables us to use self control without repressing our emotions.
Another significant trait Goleman explores is optimism. Research
shows when optimists fail at something they view the failure as temporary and
attribute it to something they can change rather than to some lack in
themselves impossible to overcome. In contrast, pessimists view failure as
permanent and blame themselves.
Another trait of major importance is empathy or the
ability to recognize the feelings of others. Goleman tells of a think tank for
engineers where the top performers were not the ones with the highest I.Q.s,
but those who were popular and good at collaborating with their co-workers. These
are the people who got promoted.
The recognition that “emotional intelligence” is more
important than I.Q. is good news. These traits can be learned whereas I.Q. is
relatively fixed from a young age. We can increase our “emotional intelligence”
throughout life!
How can we teach our children “emotional intelligence”? Children
learn from our behavior as well as from our words. If we model emotional intelligence
they will learn this from us. We must understand that their growth toward
maturity is a slow process. We must be
patient and accept their immaturity while applauding each sign that they are
becoming more emotionally mature. We need to be realistic about their abilities
or lacks but also optimistic and loving about them also. Our optimism greatly
affects their belief in themselves.
Dr. Goleman doesn’t address “spiritual intelligence”. I dare say
that a child who grows up in a loving church and develops a strong faith in God
and His Word will be even more mature, intelligent and optimistic.
“The unfolding of your words gives light; it gives understanding
to the simple.” Psalm 119:130
Blessings, Dottie
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