LYING CREATES A TANGLED WEB

A. My adult son lied to me several times. He said he had sent a check for money he owed. When it didn't arrive he made excuses about why it hadn't come. That was two weeks ago and I've still received no check. I'm upset by my son's lying. I've lost trust in him. Why is he lying? What should I do about it?

A. “Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.” We all lie at times. We tell little white lies that seemingly don't matter. But lying has serious consequences. It erodes trust in relationships which leads to distrust and distance. Lying is a national sickness. Commercial hype and political dishonesty are the rule. Research shows that 91 % of Americans admit they lie routinely! 

         

Lying serves many purposes. We lie to avoid obligations. "I wish I could help but..." We lie to end conversations. "I have to go now because..." We lie to avoid hurting other's feelings. "I love your new dress." We lie to avoid conflict. "The check is in the mail." We lie to keep others at a distance. We say, "I'm fine," when we're really feeling terrible.

         

We lie by omission. We hide information from our loved ones. The wife hides purchases from her husband. He hides the fact that he lost money betting on his golf game. Many adults hide from their parents the fact that they smoke. The lies we tell others are often the tip of the iceberg compared to the lies we tell ourselves. We hide from ourselves traits that we feel ashamed of or wrongs we have done. We deny and rationalize or project blame onto others.

         

Lies drain energy from us. They cause us to put up walls and hide who we really are. One lie leads to another and then we must remember every detail of our stories. We struggle to maintain this false self. Lying affects us physically. According to polygraph experts we breathe faster, our hearts beat harder and our blood pressure increases when we lie. Scripture says “The truth will set you free.” And it will.

Your son lies to achieve his own ends and to avoid hassles. He avoided a confrontation by saying he would send the money he owed and later by saying that he had sent it. You need to confront him about this. Otherwise the lies will continue and he may grow more and more alienated from you. Do this in person or, if that's not possible, write him a letter. 

         

Do not say "You lied to me." Even though this is true, an accusation will cause him to put up more walls. Instead, “speak the truth in love.” Tell him about how his lying has really disturbed you. Tell him you find yourself wondering whether you can trust him any more. Tell him of your sadness and hurt about his lying.

         

But don't act "holier than thou" in telling him. Give him examples from your own life of a time you lied to your parents or to someone close. Tell him that you want your relationship with him to be different. You want to be open and honest with him and hope for the same from him.

It's important also to insist on him paying the money he owes you. He may have learned that lying enables him to avoid responsibility. I hope these ideas will encourage us all to give up our tangled web of lies and face the truth about ourselves. And speak the truth in love to our friends and loved ones.

“Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue lasts only a moment.” Proverbs 12:19

Blessings, Dottie

BELIEVE JESUS AND HAVE ETERNAL LIFE

John 3:16-17 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world but to save the world through him.

John 5:24 Whoever hears my word and believes in him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life.

John 6:40 My Father’s will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day.

John 6:47 He who believes has everlasting life.

John 8:51 If anyone keeps my word he will never see death.

John 10:27-30 My sheep listen to my voice; I know them and they follow me. I give them eternal life and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand.  My Father who has given them to me is greater then all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand. I and the Father are one.

John 11:25-26 I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die.

Many people believe they will go to heaven as long as they are “good.” They think if they do good deeds they will be in heaven eternally. Many Christians believe it is their good works that save them. But Scripture says we are saved by faith.

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9

Not everyone goes to heaven. Believing in Jesus secures us his holiness to cover our sins and presents us blameless before God.

In today’s secular, politically correct world it’s hard for many to realize that God has a different agenda. To gain greater understanding of this read the book of John and the book of Romans in the New Testament. Salvation requires we commit our lives to Jesus. We must acknowledge our sins and repent of them asking his forgiveness. We must learn all we can about him and join his Body on earth – the Church. These things are not optional to gain the promise of eternal life with Him.

Dear Father,

We thank you for the promise you offer us of eternal life in your marvelous presence. It’s thrilling, reassuring and amazing to imagine – and we believe it’s true. Your word is Truth. Help us be heavenly minded while here on earth – yet also be grounded in our providential role on earth fulfilling your plan for us here. We thank you and praise you.

In Jesus name we pray. Amen.

What is Truth?

Changing Churches: News & Views       

A Newsletter for Christians Concerned About Changing Churches  

- On this rock I will build my church. Matt. 16:18

What is Truth?

Church Awakening: An Urgent Call for Renewal, by Chuck Swindoll, is one of the most passionate and hopeful books on the church I have read. His thoughts and beliefs on the Truth of God's Word resonate with mine. Dr. Swindoll, a well known pastor, theologian and author, is also known for his Insight for Living radio broadcast. 

Swindoll addresses this book to serious churchgoers and church leaders, urging that the Word of God be central in church worship. He describes erosion that has taken place in the church over the years, a gradual slide from its past historical foundations. We live in a postmodern world in which many no longer believe in absolute truth. Quoting from Isaiah 12:32, "Men who understood the times and knew what Israel should do," Swindoll says the church needs discernment and clear heads in turning the tide of postmodernism that has caused the church to slide "into the murky waters of a post-Christian swamp."

"Men who understood the times..."

A sermon series on this very subject, and citing this same scripture, alerted me to the inroads of postmodernism into the church. We are in an age of skepticism which says you cannot know truth; it's not universal, not absolute. According to post moderns, truth is not discovered; it is created by the prevailing community. There are no timeless truths. There are no absolutes. This thinking is prevalent in the church as well as outside it. Rob Bell, pastor of Mars Hill Church, says you really can't interpret the Bible accurately and correctly because you and I were not there at the time. "We are making it true as we live it out today." 

No absolute truth? No absolute right and wrong? Lord, help us! I believe all Scripture is inspired. The Bible says so. "All Scripture is God breathed..." (2 Tim. 3:16) We try to understand the words in historical context. But we know there is something unique that sets Scripture apart from other literature. The truth of the Word is timeless and universal because it is from God. It is God's Word.

Church: We must guard the truth of the Word in order to know Him and be true to Him. No truth? Know Truth: He is the Way, the Truth and the Life. Guard the Word that was entrusted to you.

Blessings, Dottie

  

Dottie Parish

Proofreading Scripture

Is the Bible inerrant? Are there mistakes in Scripture? Did the Bible need a proofreader? Many people today doubt its veracity. My book, Changing Churches elaborates on these troubling issues.

In the course of writing and working with a publisher I learned more than I ever knew I needed to know about proofreading. I spent days and hours and even weeks looking for mistakes. This daunting task taught me that nothing man creates is perfect.

The Christian Writer's Manual of Style says:

"The average 200 page book contains about 500,000 characters, that is a half-million letters, spaces, and punctuation marks. Each one must be in exactly the right place if the book is to be error free. A book that is 99 percent accurate will still contain five thousand typographical errors - about twenty-five errors per page. A book that is 99.9 percent accurate will still contain five hundred errors, or about two-and-a-half per page."      

Even so, I couldn't believe it when I discovered a mistake in The Message version of the Bible!

"May the God of green hope fill you up with joy, fill you up with peace, so that your believing lives, filled with the life giving energy of the Holy Spirit, will brim over with hope!" (Romans 15:13)  

Clearly this should say "May the God of great hope fill you up with joy..."  The mistake in The Message was a minor error not picked up by spell check and it did not distort or change the basic message of the verse.

The accuracy (Truth) of the Bible has come under attack by many so-called Christian churches and groups in recent decades. Check out the Re-Imagining Conference, and the Jesus Seminar. As Christians we need to know the Scriptures and be able to defend their veracity. Lee Strobel's book, The Case for Christ, gives marvelous information along this line.

Here's a taste of Strobel's facts attesting to the truth of Scripture:

How can we be sure the biographies of Jesus are reliable? The four gospel writers give eye witness accounts of Jesus life and teachings. Their accounts, written 20 to 30 years after the crucifixion, contain accurate historical dates and are consistent with each other.

What about copying errors? The only errors are minor such as misspelling of words or putting the words in a different sequence without changing the meaning. There is no variation in the major doctrines of the church.

Did Jesus and Jesus alone match the identity of the Messiah? Dozens of Old Testament prophecies gave Israel a way to rule out impostors and validate the authentic Messiah. Against astronomical odds - one chance in trillions ­- Jesus, and only Jesus, throughout history, matched this prophetic fingerprint.

Surely, the Bible was proofread by the Holy Spirit.


Blessings, Dottie

Our Knowledge is Incomplete

1 Corinthians 13:9-10 “For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.”

The Message puts it this way: “We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be cancelled.”

Our knowledge in all areas – physical, mental, emotional, creation, science, life, relationships, spiritual, heavens and earth – our knowledge is limited – even with high-powered computers, advanced degrees, Mensa IQs and all the Scripture – all is limited. We do know some things and we can predict some things with some accuracy. But we can’t even predict the weather! What we know about God is certainly incomplete – as his ways are not our ways. He is beyond us. Our minds can’t grasp a complete knowledge of our great God.

But when perfection comes – the imperfect disappears – when Complete arrives our incompleteness will be cancelled. What a promise! When LOVE comes our loveless-ness vanishes. 

Is this about end-times? Come quickly, Lord. We need you – our sorry, hurting world, our sin-sick, love-starved world needs you.

Love Does Not Delight in Evil

1 Corinthians 13:6  “Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.”

The Message puts it: Love “doesn’t revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything.”

Love does not delight in evil. How to apply this? When someone sins or fails, when someone is humiliated by their own wrong doing – am I amused or pleased? Am I judgmental? Or do I realize that I sin and fail, and do or say stupid or even wrong things?

Delighting in evil — don’t we all do it? Someone else’s downfall is an occasion for juicy gossip. Someone we know divorces, or loses their job or leaves their church, or goes to jail.  We gleefully ask for the details so we can pray for them. Or do we ask so we can gloat over the fact that we would never do what they did.

We need to remember we are all sinners and all sin is equal.  

Love doesn’t rejoice in wrong doing. Instead, love rejoices in the truth—in the flowering of the truth. In other words, we need to assume the best about others, especially those whose sins (or problems) are most obvious. We need to see others from God’s point of view and from their own perspective – and believe in the good in them. We can expect a blade of truth to grow and blossom.

Lord, this is a difficult verse. Help us ponder your meaning about this as it applies to us.

Blessings, Dottie

The Healing Power of the Truth

There is healing power in facing the truth and in telling the truth. Many of us hide our true thoughts, our true feelings or even our true self. We learn as children to pretend we’re happy when we we’re not. We avoid certain subjects in order to keep peace in the family and not upset Mom, Dad or Grandma. Over time we develop a false self. We bury painful feelings and smile on the outside.

As adults we continue this charade. We ignore our own needs to keep peace in our marriage. We avoid having opinions because we don’t want anyone to be upset if we have a different opinion. Pretending takes enormous energy. And we pay a price for it. We may overeat, drink too much or work too much to avoid facing the truth. We may develop physical symptoms in response to the disconnection from our core self. Our relationships also suffer.

Being open, real, transparent is not easy. For most of us it takes work and it feels risky. I heard a missionary from Indonesia this week, Paul Richardson, who modeled openness. I highly recommend his book, A Certain Risk. He spoke of the difficulty of living a secret life. Even though it’s dangerous to live in Indonesia as a Christian, he has always been open about his faith and his reason for being there. He believes keeping secrets affects our souls, and I agree. When we do this we live a divided life. Being open and truthful may seem risky. I believe it’s worth taking “a certain risk” in order to live with inner freedom.

How can we break out of a pattern of hiding, of wearing masks? Pray about it and ask God to guide you. Admit the truth to yourself. Journal the truth or share the truth with a trusted friend, pastor or counselor. Come out of hiding and the truth will set you free.

“You will know the truth and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32

Blessings, Dottie