Sabbath Rest: Take Time to Slow Down and Rest

Q. Life is too busy. We are constantly under time pressure to get chores done, go some where, and do something.  I yearn for time alone, time to unwind and time to enjoy my family. We seem to only achieve rest and relief while on vacation. How can we lessen our busyness and stress? Can New Year Resolutions help along this line?  

A. “I’m too busy” seems to be a universal refrain in today’s world. We’re so overwhelmed by the demands and activities of each day that life doesn’t feel easy, pleasant or peaceful. We long to be calm and serene like Mary but we’re more like busy Martha. Some people even take pride in busyness, perhaps feeling important because of it. Our society pushes and pressures us in this direction and has convinced us that “down time” is wasted. But is it?

If we are spending our days in frantic effort with no time for rest, joy, serenity, or even fun - what are our priorities?  Have we lost sight of what we want in life? Have we lost sight of what God wants for us in life, as well? New Year Resolutions or plans along this line are in order.

Wayne Muller, in his book Sabbath: Remembering the Sacred Rhythm of Rest and Delight, suggests we have forgotten the Sabbath. The Hebrew word for Sabbath is “Shabbat” and means to stop, to rest. Most faiths prescribe some period of time each week dedicated to worship, singing, giving thanks, sharing meals and resting. It’s a time for being nurtured and renewed. It’s a time to let go of work and responsibilities. 

Mueller suggests that “rest is not just a psychological convenience; it is a spiritual and biological necessity.” If we’re sleep deprived and exhausted we’re not effective in any area of our life. Rest enables us to meet the demands of life with joy and ease and this improves our effectiveness in our work as well as in our relationships.

We don’t want to return to the legalistic or routine keeping of the Sabbath as our parents or grandparents observed it, but we can make the decision to find time for rest. Our Sabbath rest can be an hour, an afternoon or a Holy day. Many other activities will tempt you from your plan. Modern life seduces us away from Sabbath rest if we let it.

Here are some ways to create Sabbath rest.

1. Reevaluate your values and goals. Talk over with your family how you will make time for Sabbath rest. List the values you follow and the ones you would like to follow. Share these with your family. Change your activity schedule based on these values.

2. Give thanks before meals. This can be a meaningful time of connection for the whole family. You can also give thanks when you first wake up in the morning before you even get out of bed and at night before you fall asleep. Prayer and thanksgiving are restful activities that remind us of our blessings and of a power greater than us.

3. Pause during the day, take three deep breaths and pray or meditate. Tie this to some regular activity such as every time you stand up or sit down.

4. Pamper yourself. Take a nap or a leisurely bath. Both are good for your health. You don’t have to feel guilty about relaxing. 

5. Turn off the TV and the telephone during dinner. Create a regular period of uninterrupted time with your family and with yourself.

6. Take time for worship on a regular basis. It will restore your soul.

One of my favorite hymns says: “There is a place of quiet rest, near to the heart of God, a place where sin cannot molest, near to the heart of God.“ When we draw near to God he draws near to us.

“Come to me all you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:28-29 NLT

Blessings, Dottie

A CARING FATHER

 Q.  My father worked long hours to support the family. As a result he was never able to spend much time with his children. I’ve repeated his pattern - I focus most of my energies on my work. I thought my wife and children understood I was working for them. 

Recently my eight year old son talked back to me. This surprised and upset me. When we both calmed down he told me he dislikes my being away so much and he doesn’t believe I really care about him. I'm afraid the two younger kids may feel the same way. I have to work. What can I do to convince my kids I care?

A. Men are often torn between their work and their families. They are taught to assume the major responsibility for supporting their family financially and they are often not taught the importance of their role as a parent.

It’s good that you’re now aware that your children need to spend time with you and need to know you love them. You have learned this soon enough to do something about it. One of the great regrets men often have in their fifties is that they never got to know their children.

At a men’s conference, Patrick Morley, author of The Man in the Mirror, asked the men present whose pictures they carry in their wallets. The men proudly showed pictures of their children and their wife. He then noted that none of them carried a picture of their employer. Similarly, Lee Iacocca has said that no one on their death bed ever wishes they had spent more time at work. Morley suggests that men make a list of the top five ways they use their time. Then make a list of your most important relationships. Then compare them. He wonders if the ways we spend our time are related to the most important people in our life.

We all no doubt spend the largest block of time with our work and with our family. And this is as it should be. However, which is our first priority? We often make our work number one, even taking work home with us. We compartmentalize our families when we should compartmentalize our work. Think of ways you can reverse this. 

    

Patrick Morley says that a child’s greatest need is to have their father’s encouragement. Here are some things you that will encourage your children and help you connect with them. 

    

1. Spend time with them. Time means love to a child. Listen to them, play with them, have fun with them, take them places. 

    

2. Encourage them with words of love and appreciation often. Say “I love you.” Say, “I’m proud of you,” and be specific about what you are proud of. Give much more praise and affirmation than criticism or correction.

    

3.  Be affectionate. Give hugs, kisses, pats on the back. Hold them on your lap. Read to them as they sit close to you. 

    

4. Set loving limits but don’t set too many rules. Don’t pressure them with expectations they can’t meet. Don’t pressure them to perform. Too much structure discourages children. Give grace. “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” Remember they’re still learning. See things from the child’s point of view.

    

5. Pray with them and pray for them. A bed time ritual of saying prayers together can bond you together.

    

This Father’s day, as we honor our Dads let’s give them time, attention, affirmations and affection. Dads in our society often think they’re only valued as the economic support of the family. Let’s let them know how loved and important they are to us.

“May the Lord bless you more and more, both you and your children.” Psalm 115.14

Blessings, Dottie

Book Reviews on Time, Aging, Death, Grieving and Heaven # 5

Here are two books by Joni Eareckson Tada about time, aging, death, grieving and heaven that will give you new perspectives about what living and dying is all about. These books will grow your faith, help you live with purpose and guide you through grief.

When is it Right to Die? Suicide, Euthanasia, Suffering, Mercy

By Joni Eareckson Tada

This book can be especially helpful to parents with a handicapped child. Joni Eareckson Tada, well known author and speaker, suffered a permanent spinal injury in a diving accident when she was in her teens. This book, written more than two decades later, addresses the difficult topics of suicide and euthanasia, suffering and mercy. 

The book is divided into three sections. Part 1. A Time to Live, Part 2. A Time to Choose, and Part 3. A Time to Die. Joni’s story and experiences run through out the book along with stories about others who are handicapped or dying. She offers practical and specific information and help for those who are depressed, considering suicide; those who want to die.

She speaks from her Christian faith with a strong belief in God and notes that Judiasm, Christianity, Islam and Buddhism all “recognize an intelligence behind moral evil.” He’s the devil. He was called the tempter by Jesus. There is no truth in him and his goal is death. Pg.97. The devil tells us all kinds of lies – “No one cares.” “There’s nothing more to expect from life.” “I can’t live with this depression.” And the biggest lie of all, “Nothing awaits me after death.”

This book published in 1992 continues to help people with handicaps, people with depression and those who are nearing death. There is excellent information in here from a Christian perspective. Joni’s life is a testimony in itself to the fact that every life has a God given purpose.

Heaven

By Joni Eareckson Tada

This is a beautiful, thoughtful, well written, and well researched book about Heaven as described in Scripture. The author, Joni Eareckson Tada, is a remarkable person. She is a quadriplegic in a wheelchair, has written a number of excellent books, is a national speaker, and has a ministry to disabled individuals. She pictures heaven in vivid, insightful and glorious images.

The book is divided into three parts.

1. What Will Heaven by Like?

2. Will Heaven be Home?

3. The Journey Home.

Throughout the book Joni gives illustrations from her own experiences and from the experiences of others, especially those with major handicaps. Chapter 5  Why Don’t We Fit on Earth? resonates with my own experiences. Our culture’s materialism, tasteless entertainment and corrupt morality cause me to feel this world is not my home. Joni writes “I’m a little like a refugee who is longing for a better country called heaven.” Pg. 98

Throughout the book Joni gives inspiring and thoughtful insights. For example “We are not only to ‘set our hearts on things above’ where Christ is seated, but set our minds on things above as well. That’s hard.” Pg. 127 She explains in detail why that’s hard and promises “we will have ‘the mind of Christ’ when we lay hold of Him and His ideas.” Pg.129 No book review can do justice to this book!

This is not an easy read. It must be read slowly and thoughtfully. It will challenge many Christians, especially Chapter 9 Getting Ready for Heaven and the scriptures about suffering. This book can be very helpful to anyone who is severely handicapped or who takes care of a handicapped person and wants to understand God’s perfect plan for their life.

It will give all readers a glorious view of our future home and help us focus on HIm!

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff they comfort me.” Psalm 23:4

Blessings, Dottie

Book Reviews on Time, Aging,Death, Grieving and Heaven # 1 is here.

Book Reviews on Time, Aging,Death, Grieving and Heaven # 2 is here.

Book Reviews on Time, Aging,Death, Grieving and Heaven # 3 is here.

Book Reviews on Time, Aging,Death, Grieving and Heaven # 4 is here.

Book Reviews on Time, Aging, Death, Grieving and Heaven # 4

Here are two books about aging, death and dying that will give you new perspectives about what living and dying is all about. These books will grow your faith, help you live with purpose and guide you through grief.

Hard Choices for Loving People

By Hank Dunn

The subtitle of this book is: CPR, Artificial Feeding, Comfort Care, and the Patient with a Life Threatening Illness. This short (75 pages), informative book by Hank Dunn, a healthcare chaplain, presents clear and concise answers to the families of those nearing death. He notes that prior generations did not have feeding tubes, ventilators or CPR – so they were not faced with the choices facing many today as they age. He describes the issues in using these, pro and con, and offers clear steps to choosing the best route in a particular situation. The final chapter The Journey to Letting Be (23 pages) is the most valuable. This can be helpful to families as well as the person who is dying. He notes, “We will die whether we give up, let go or let be.” He hopes dying patients will have “a sense of being upheld by a loving God.”

Finishing Well to the Glory of God: Strategies from a Christian Physician

By John Dunlop, MD

Finishing Well to the Glory of God is a wonderful, beautiful, outstanding book. Dr. Dunlop offers nine strategies for finishing well beginning with #1 Live Well and #2 Let Go Graciously to #8 Switching Gears from Cure to Comfort Care and #9 Rest in Jesus. Every chapter (strategy) is thought provoking and instructive. Biblical teaching runs throughout helping the reader understand the Christian perspective on each subject. Each chapter ends with a beautiful prayer and meditation. Strategy #7 Make Appropriate Use of Technology details the medical choices we face today. In addition Appendix 2 offers Examples of Technology. The biblical teaching on God’s love, suffering, life and death defines the heart and soul of the Christian faith and will deepen the walk of every reader who digests these teachings. This is a valuable book to be studied, thought about, discussed, read and reread. Finishing Well is a unique and excellent guide that will help Christians live well and finish well to the glory of God.

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff they comfort me.” Psalm 23:4

Blessings, Dottie

Book Reviews on Time, Aging,Death, Grieving and Heaven # 1 are here.

Book Reviews on Time, Aging,Death, Grieving and Heaven # 2 are here.

Book Reviews on Time, Aging,Death, Grieving and Heaven # 3 are here.

Book Reviews on Time, Aging, Death, Grieving and Heaven #3

Here are two books about heaven that will give you new perspectives about what living and dying is all about. These books will grow your faith, help you live with purpose and guide you through grief.

Letters to Heaven by Calvin Miller

Letters to Heaven is a fascinating book. Calvin Miller writes to people who have preceded him in reaching eternity. Each person impacted his life. A number of the people he writes to are well known including C.S. Lewis, Todd Beamer, and Madeleine L’Engle. Many are unknown. The girl in the iron lung brings memories of polio, the most dreaded childhood disease in the 20^th Century. Another letter is written to a man who died beside him on a flight. He includes a letter to his mother and one to a brother who died in childhood. Miller's own experiences and wisdom weave throughout the book.

Calvin Miller was a pastor, a professor and a writer. I previously read his books Life is Mostly Edges (a memoir) and Letters to Young Pastors (both excellent). I wanted to read this book because he replied kindly when I sent him a copy of my book, Changing Churches. Also, I knew he recently went on to heaven himself. He impacted my life in a small but meaningful way.

HEAVEN: A World of Joy by Jonathan Edwards

I discovered this sixty-three page booklet in my church library and was intrigued to read what the famous preacher Jonathan Edwards had to say about heaven. Many have heard of his sermon “Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God.”

His thoughts on heaven are both simple and complex and all very beautiful. Citing 1 Corinthians 13:8-10 Edwards says “The doctrine I would desire to draw from this text is, that HEAVEN IS A WORLD OF DIVINE LOVE.” 

Edwards covers 

1. The great cause and fountain of love in heaven.

2. The objects of love in heaven.

3. The subjects of love in heaven.

4. The principle or essence of love in heaven.

5. The excellent circumstances in which love is exercised, expressed and enjoyed in heaven.

6. The happy effects and fruit of all this.

The circumstances he lists in chapter 5 inspired me.

1. Love in heaven is always mutual.

2. The joy of heavenly love shall never be interrupted or stifled by jealousy.

3. There shall be nothing within themselves to block or hinder the saints in heaven in the exercises and expressions of love.

4. In heaven love will be expressed with perfect decency and wisdom.

5. There shall be nothing external in heaven to keep its inhabitants at a distance from each other, or to hinder their most perfect enjoyment of each other’s love.

6. In heaven all shall be united together in very near and dear relations.

7. In heaven all shall have property and ownership in each other.

8. In heaven they shall enjoy each other’s love in perfect and uninterrupted prosperity.

9. In heaven all things shall combine to promote their love, and give advantage for mutual enjoyment.

10. The inhabitants of heaven shall all know that they will continue in the perfect enjoyment of each other’s love forever.

No more tears, no more night – the fullness of love given and received eternally. What a vision and promise for those who know Christ and have accepted him as Lord and Savior.

Readers can Google the title and find Jonathan Edwards book on line in its entirety.

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff they comfort me.” Psalm 23:4

Blessings, Dottie

Book Reviews on Time, Aging, Death, Grieving and Heaven # 1 is here.

Book Reviews on Time, Aging, Death, Grieving and Heaven # 2 is here.

Book Reviews on Time, Aging, Death, Grieving and Heaven #2

Here are two books that will give you new perspectives about what living and dying is all about. These books will grow your faith, help you live with purpose and guide you through grief.

When the Game is over

IT ALL GOES BACK IN THE BOX

By John Ortberg

It All Goes Back in the Box by John Ortberg, pastor and best selling author, is a clever and wise book about the fact that life is short and often our priorities are flawed and driven by plans for worldly success. Playing Monopoly with his grandmother taught Ortberg that when the game is over it all goes back in the box. This game metaphor for life continues throughout the book pointing out that the object in life is not to win houses, hotels, fame or fortune. The object for a Christian is to “be rich toward God.”

Ortberg gives a detailed game plan for living life intentionally and with significance. Chapter titles include Three Ways to Keep Score, Master the Inner Game, Resign as Master of The Board, and more. In the chapter titled No One Else Can Take Your Turn, Ortberg describes his experience playing doubles tennis with his father in a match they wanted to win. With a tied score, his first shot went outside the lines. It was all up to his second shot. There was no bench player who could take his place. There are no passes in life. Comparing life to a calendar he suggests we fill each day (square) with what matters most. Beware of Your Shadow Mission is also a significant chapter. We can think we’re in the will of God and be deceived. This is an excellent book that should inspire many Christians to live more intentionally. 

The full title points out that after a game is over (such as Monopoly) it all goes back in the box.

THE DAWN OF HOPE: Encouragement for those who grieve

By Eldyn Simons

The Dawn of Hope is a small book with a brilliant hope-filled message for all who grieve. The author, Eldyn Simons, recounts the loss of his sixteen year old son who died in a plane crash while on a summer student exchange trip to Peru. There is no loss more difficult than the loss of a child. There is no loss more difficult than the sudden loss of a child.

The author has walked this road of grief and knows the tremendous pain and suffering it entails. He teaches the importance of facing the pain as well as how to hang onto God and the hope that He offers.

In short chapters beginning with a scripture and ending with a poem and a prayer, Simons tells about the loss of his son and recounts other losses—the loss of a spouse, the loss of the older generation, even the loss of a child by miscarriage.

God led Simons on a “journey of wonder and discovery” after the darkest night of his soul. He says God “will take you to many unexpected places, places of which you may never even have dreamed…. He will teach us how to bear the pain, how to laugh again, how to once more taste life’s sweetness. He will never leave us.”

He also says, “Our responsibility is to hold fast to God, to snuggle close so nothing can come between us. His part is to cover us with his love, to encourage and nourish us with His life that we may be fruitful in our service to him, no matter what conditions surround us.” This is a marvelous little book for those who are grieving. This was published in 2000 so you may need to buy a used book.

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff they comfort me.” Psalm 23:4

Blessings, Dottie

Book Reviews on Time, Aging, Death, Grieving & Heaven #1 is here.

Book Reviews on Time, Aging, Death, Grieving & Heaven

I’ll be reviewing a series of books on time, aging, death, grieving and heaven. This is part one. There’s much to learn here.

Another Country: Navigating the Emotional Terrain of Our Elders 

by Mary Pipher, Ph.D.

Another Country is an outstanding, valuable book for anyone concerned about parents or grandparents who are aging and need help. The book is beautifully written – it’s a New York Times best seller. Pipher, a clinical psychologist, is knowledgeable about seniors and researched this subject extensively. She comments on the fact that our culture has changed dramatically – people are living longer yet our culture worships youth; families live at great distances from each other leaving grandparents isolated and alone.

Pipher offers many vignettes of adult children and their aging parents. Some of these stories demonstrate the helpfulness of a counselor in thinking through tough family decisions and in solving contentious family relationships.

Pipher invites us to overcome our aversion to thinking and talking about death and helps us understand elders. She says adult children live in “different time zones” from their parents and this causes difficulty understanding each other. Throughout the book she emphasizes the need for intergenerational community and offers ways to implement this. There is a wealth of information here for all generations to learn from and put to use in their relationships with each other. It is also a delightful book to read.

When Your Family’s Lost A Loved One: Finding Hope Together

By David and Nancy Guthrie

When Your Family's Lost A Loved One is a very insightful book about the difficult topic of grieving and loss. The Guthries share their experiences in losing two babies. In addition to telling their story of loss, they interview several others who have faced a difficult loss and they include information from experts. There are chapters on Her Grief, His Grief, Helping Kids Cope and ideas about handling birthdays, holidays and death days – and on remembering. This is a valuable resource for Christian families.

Beyond the Scars: Daring to Live Forward 

By F. Elaine Olsen

Beyond the Scars describes one woman’s journey of faith through the shock of a diagnosis of breast cancer, painful surgery, and difficult treatments. Olsen gives an honest, vulnerable account of her emotions and describes how she held onto her faith. She discoveed valuable faith lessons in her suffering – lessons that will help many others with any type of suffering. This beautifully written book contains forty devotional chapters with scripture, prayer and questions to ponder. Buy this for friends in similar circumstances.

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff they comfort me.” Psalm 23:4

Blessings, Dottie

Investing Time

Here are more thoughts about time. There are three ways to spend the present. We can waste it, spend it or invest it. Time wasters include worry, fear, sleeping more than needed and busyness, accomplishing little. We also waste time on petty anger, procrastination, indecision, complaints and pity. These confuse us and keep us from accomplishing our dreams. They also separate us from God.

Spending time might be described as merely existing. Our life has no purpose or direction. We simply do what has to be done, no more. We sleep, work, eat and little more. Our life is dull and routine.

We invest our time when we know our life has purpose and meaning beyond our own self-interest. We invest our time when we do some thing that touches the lives of those around us, when we offer a smile, a helping hand, or a kind word. We invest our time when we help a worthy cause.

We waste some time. We spend some time aimlessly. We’re human. When we focus on God and have purpose we minimize time wasters and we live with zest. We do what has to be done with speed and joy in order to have time to invest in our purpose.

To make changes this year lean on God and live in the present. Make conscious choices about your priorities in life and take small steps each day to pursue your dreams. Someone has said “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift - that’s why it’s called the present.” Enjoy the gifts of God given each day to us.

“In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines is steps.” Proverbs 16:9

Blessings, Dottie

Using Time

Many of us struggle with how we use time, often wishing for more time, often pressured by time. Human beings are different from any other creature on this earth. We are aware of time. We are also blessed with both memory and imagination. We can remember the past and we can imagine our future. These enable us to live thoughtful and creative lives.

However, our memory and our imagination also create problems for us. Often our minds are influenced by painful memories and by negative, imaginative thoughts of the future. Our memory reminds us of past fears, worries, guilts, hurts and discouragement. It may say, for example, “Remember how foolish you felt when you tried something new in second grade and the class laughed at you.” And so we back away from change because of memories. We decide not to try something new.

Memories, conscious and unconscious, cause us to be fearful of the future. Many of our fears, worries, and jealousies, are created by our negative imaginations. We picture the worst happening? We say to ourselves, what if ____ happened? And then we start to worry about “it” happening. Someone has said that worry about the future is interest paid on a debt that may never come due. Worry changes nothing and keeps us from growing and trying new things.

How do we not worry in our complex world? We can use our minds, our memories and our imaginations to remind us that God is in charge and that his purposes are good. We can then make conscious choices about how we use the time we have (the present). Only mankind is capable of this. We can remember the past but we don’t have to be bound by the past. With God’s help we can use our wills, to set priorities and to move toward them. This way we use our time wisely.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6


Blessings, Dottie

Thoughts on Time

At the beginning of a new year we think back over the previous year and remember both high and low points. For many people the past year was difficult with job losses, illness or even the loss of loved ones. Even in a good year many take stock of what was accomplished in the prior year. Did we use our time wisely? Did we grow and learn? Did we spend our time in ways that pleased us and pleased God? We also look ahead and plan and wonder what lies ahead.

I spent some time thinking about both of these – the past and the future. I thought of many marvelous times with family, friends and church in 2010. I also thought of family members and friends with health problems, or who lost loved ones. And I thought of the friends whose funerals we attended in 2010, including a cousin the last week of the year. We really don’t know what lies ahead – not even one day ahead. But God does. He’s in charge and he is good.

I talked with him about all this. It was early in the morning; the sun was shining on the brilliant white snow. I was dazzled by the beauty of the world and by God’s beauty. I sat in my comfy recliner, a glass of water nearly finished, on a tray beside me. My lamp was shining directly on the water. God surprised and awed me, as I glanced at my simple glass of water appearing clear, silvery and beautiful – like crystal. I felt God’s presence in this moment and realized he is good, pure, beautiful and true. And life is beautiful even when the glass is nearly empty; even as the years slip by. Life with God is full even when the glass of your life seems nearly empty.

“I trust in you, O Lord, I say, ‘You are my God.’ My times are in your hands.” Psalm 31:14-15

Blessings, Dottie