Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Drifting in Marriage

Last week I touched on the problem of couples drifting apart in marriage. Drifting apart is a common problem though couples who “just drift apart” often are surprised when problems surface. Both are blind to any difficulties. There are three possible reasons for drift.

Some of us grew up in homes where relationships were distant, where there was little connection. As a result we avoid closeness without realizing it. You may want more closeness but also be uncomfortable when you are close to someone. To overcome this type of drift you will need to take small risks in allowing yourself to be closer to your partner. Push your limit little by little.

If the drifting has gone on for a while resentment may build up about the distance. Or the distancing may be caused by resentment about other issues between you. Find a way to bridge the resentment and distance. In addition to talking about it - romance, fun, affection and sex can bridge the gap.

Another cause of drift is our belief that once we find “the right person” we will live happily ever after without any effort. This is not how love works. Every marriage, every relationship, requires effort in order for it to thrive and grow. Consciously work on making your marriage a close, fun, special relationship. At the beginning of a relationship we spend time thinking about the person and looking forward to time together. We enjoy being with the person; we admire and value the person. We’re affectionate and we express our positive feelings to the person. Do these things now and you will stop the drift.

If these ideas don’t help check out the marriage resources listed here. Click on Smart Marriages and The Third Option for information on help for marriages.

"Let love and faithfulness never leave you." Proverbs 3:3

Blessings, Dottie

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