Thanksgiving—A time to count our blessings!

Praise God, from whom all blessings flow;

praise Him, all creatures here below;

praise Him above, ye heavenly host;

praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Amen.

My husband and I have been singing the Doxology before every meal for several months, in addition to saying grace. This lifts our spirits out of the mundane tasks or issues of the day and reminds us to count our blessings.

Thanksgiving is traditionally a time to thank God for our blessings. Many of us take for granted our good fortune, our good health and our freedom. Paul urges us go give thanks in all circumstances. Give thanks even when we’re unhappy? What a revolutionary idea. Paul lives this out and so do other remarkable Christians.

Benjamin Weir, a missionary, was imprisoned for 16 months in Lebanon under terrible conditions in 1984-85. In an interview immediately after his release, reporters asked how he spent his time; how did he cope with boredom and despair? His answer stunned the reporters. He said simply, “Counting my blessings.” He went on to say: “Some days I got to take a shower. Sometimes there were some vegetables in my food.  And I could always be thankful for the love of my family.”

    

We can understand the astonishment of the reporters. Most of us fail to count our blessings in the midst of abundance. We relax in our comfortable homes. We feast daily on plenty of food. We enjoy freedom. Friends and family surround us. We take our blessings for granted much of the time.

Most of us spend part of each day, week or month complaining, feeling depressed, forlorn, or angry about some circumstance we’re facing that isn’t to our liking. Usually minor annoyances are the cause our angst.

We need to thank God for our blessings daily. We need to cultivate an attitude of gratitude even when we’re down. When we consistently count our blessings we notice God’s abundant provision for us. Counting our blessings brings us closer to him. It helps us remember God’s in charge. It helps us put our trust completely in Him.

This doesn’t mean we never suffer or feel depressed. When we face a major crisis or tragedy, we will grieve. We may go through more tears and sorrow than we’ve ever known before. But in the midst of this we can also count our blessings. We can be thankful for tears that help us express our pain. We can look for and be thankful for a lesson in what we’re going through. 

Singing the doxology at every meal can help us establish an attitude of gratitude. This Thanksgiving Day let’s count our blessings.

“Give thanks in all circumstances for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

                                                                                                1 Thessalonians 5:18

Blessings, Dottie

What is the secret to closeness? 

Love involves knowing someone. We must allow the other person to know us and vice versa. The problem is most of us spend a great deal of time and energy avoiding being known. We share little about our deepest longings and beliefs. Self disclosure is difficult because we want so much to be loved. So we present ourselves in ways we think will be acceptable to the other person. We hide what we consider to be our flaws.

     

We also hide our inner self because we were never taught how to reveal it. Our parents didn't model this for us. Instead, we saw them in fixed roles that they had adopted in their distant past. We learned to adopt roles to conceal our inner selves.

     

We also hide to avoid change. Opening up to others requires changing our usual behavior. It changes our image of ourselves. It is much easier to continue to behave in routine ways and to never take risks in our relationships. 

     

To create a vital marriage it’s essential to reveal yourself. If you reveal yourself it will encourage your partner to do so. This means telling him or her your innermost feelings. It does not mean blasting him or her with anger. In order to get a rose bud to open up you do not pry open the petals. Human beings need gentle treatment. Start by commenting on things that please you or by telling him or her about happy events, or dreams or wishes.

Don’t expect this to help overnight. Your partner may not respond to this as you hope. In fact, you may get a response that upsets you. For example, your partner may laugh at your expression of feeling. If your partner laughs or reacts negatively this may simply mean the change in you scares or surprises him or her.

Handle any negative reaction you have to your partner’s response by revealing it without blaming. For example, you might say, "I was laughed at as a child and felt shamed and so your laughter bothered me." If possible give a specific example from your childhood. 

     

Another important reason to self disclose is that we don't know ourselves unless we open up.  When we hide things from others we end up also hiding them from ourselves. Hiding things takes a great deal of energy and puts our minds and bodies under stress. Although you would like your partner to open up to you, you can only work on your side of things and begin to open up to him/her. 

“God wants us to grow up, to know the whole truth and tell it in love - like Christ in everything.”  Ephesians 4:15 The Message

Blessings, Dottie

What is love?

This is the best description I know: “Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong.  It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out. If you love someone you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him always expect the best of him and always stand your ground in defending him.” I Corinthians 13:4-7 Living Bible

     

Now answer these questions to find out how loving you are toward your partner. How do I show love to my partner? Do I say “I love you?” Am I romantic toward my partner? Am I affectionate with him or her? Do I tell my partner the things I appreciate about him or her? Do I give compliments often?

What does my partner want me to do that I’m not doing? Do I respect my partner’s viewpoint when we talk? Do I listen without giving advice or becoming defensive? Am I willing to go to the places my partner wants to go; to have fun or recreation on his or her terms? Do I put my partner first?

Do I expect my partner to mind read; to know when I’m upset, to know when I want affection?  (Hint: No one can do this.) Do I ask for hugs when I need them?  Do I accept the love he or she does offer me?

     

Have I forgiven my partner for the ways he or she has hurt me? Have I asked for forgiveness for the ways I’ve hurt my partner? Am I holding any grudges against my partner?

     

These are difficult and important issues. We want love and affection; we want acceptance and understanding from our mates. Most of us don’t realize that this takes time, effort and a giving of oneself.

“A new command I give to you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.”  John 13:34 NIV

Blessings, Dottie

Does Romance Have to End?

Romantic love is amazing, exciting and thrilling. It also is not “true love.” Romance novels, movies, and television feed our unrealistic expectations of marriage. Our culture programs women to expect a prince on a white horse. A prince will overwhelm her with love. Can any man live up to this image? Men also have expectations that are impossible to meet.

     

Experts who have studied marriage say that "romantic love" lasts about two years. The problem is we are brought up to expect it to last forever—and with no effort. During courtship the relationship is fresh and new, and both partners put effort into pleasing and romancing each other. Emotions are high and intense.

After marriage it’s natural to drop the courtship behaviors and to fall into a routine. In addition, as time goes on we learn about each other's flaws and idiosyncrasies and we find out how we differ. These are often things we overlook in the heat and passion of romance.

     

We also are faced with the day-to-day realities of paying the rent, pursuing careers, washing the dishes, doing the laundry and so forth. Some couples are also faced with crises - illness, job problems, financial troubles—which add to their stresses. With all these pressures there is no way marriage can be as carefree and as intensely passionate as a romance.

     

However, there are advantages to being married. The comfort and security of a committed relationship is something most of us deeply crave. Although a couple may have less to say to each other than they did before marriage, there can be a quiet companionship between them as they carry on their lives together.

     

There are some things you can do to rekindle the romance in your marriage. Talk over with your partner the concerns you have. Talk about ways to make the marriage more romantic. Perhaps you need to set aside a special time each evening to talk personally, not about bills or work, but about your feelings, thoughts and dreams. A close relationship takes work. If you make the effort to be romantic, to be more involved the relationship will change. Praying together is one way to connect deeply and personally.

“Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.” Romans 12:10 NLT

Blessings, Dottie

WHAT WILL MAKE OUR MARRIAGE WORK?

What are the secrets of marital success? Here are five tips to successful marriage. Couples can make their marriage work; they can maximize marital success by practicing the following. 

     

1. "Accentuate the positive." Couples in trouble focus their attention on the negative. Long term successful marriages are "mutual admiration societies." Learn to give praise or compliments to each other on a daily basis. Say thank you for little things as well as big things. “Thank you for taking out the trash.” “Thank you for supporting me when your mother questioned me.” Be specific about this. Let your partner know what you appreciate about him/her. 

     

2. Learn how to "fight" with each other. Find a way to settle differences without destructive anger and without anyone giving in. Learn to negotiate with each other. Most of us think in black/white terms. We see only two solutions - my way or your way. In reality, there are many solutions to every situation. Be creative, think outside the box, and develop solutions that meet the needs of both of you. Don't expect every "fight" to end with a solution. Some times differences just need to be aired. The solution may evolve at a later time when you are both calmer. End every "fight" with a confirmation of your love.

     

3. Spend time together. Ten or fifteen minutes every day spent talking with the TV turned off can do wonders for the sense of connection in a marriage. Touch each other often, both affectionately and sexually. Touch is a powerful connection. Touch erases the hurts and cares of the day. Guard your couple-ness from the intrusions of children. Go out alone together several times a month.  Keep children’s bed times regular and early so the marriage has room of its own.

     

4. Notice repetitive patterns. Over time couples may develop disturbing, repetitive patterns. Conflict about the same issues, in the same sequence, erupts over and over.  Repetitive patterns may have roots in childhood issues which both of you are trying to work out in the marriage. If you’re stuck in repetitive patterns and can't resolve the issues, it’s time to go for counseling. This is especially true if you are unable to forgive and forget.

5. Pray together. Worship together. Be united in your faith in God.  

“Most of all, love each other as if your life depended on it.  Love makes up for practically anything.” 1 Peter 4:8 The Message

Blessings, Dottie

Six Stupid Things People Say About Religion

I ran into  this this morning on a link from another blog. It was written by Daniel Jepson who remains anonymous on his blog. 
This is worth reading. It speaks to many things unbelievers say and how to reply to them with reason and common sense yet exposing the flaws in their thinking and hopefully intriguing them into opening their minds to consider the claims of Christ. 
Blessings, Dottie

"Value" License Plates

Some time ago I wrote about a vanity license plate that I called a “value” plate. It had a thought provoking message: U NO WHY.  Everyone following this car must have wondered about its meaning. I speculated that the owner wanted others to think and wonder. Do you know why we’re here on this earth? Is there purpose to our existence? Do you know why God created us? Do you know why every fingerprint and every snow flake is different? Is this by design or by chance?

Two more “value” plates appeared recently. One said LOVE AHA. My online dictionary defines “aha” as an expression used when discovering something, especially expressing satisfaction or excitement. AHA in capitol letters is a chemistry term for alpha-hydroxy acid. AHAs are chemical compounds used in cosmetics. Wikipedia says “They are often found in products claiming to reduce wrinkles or the signs of aging, and improve the overall look and feel of the skin.”

I think love reduces wrinkles from our souls. Love touches us in ways we don’t understand. Touching does also. The two are synonymous. Infants require touch in order to thrive. I think we all do. So this driver is letting the world know that he’s in love and it’s a marvelous, amazing thing.

I discovered another “value” license plate a few months ago. It said UNCOOL. I pondered on this. What is this driver saying? Who would choose to be uncool in today’s world?  Most of us try to fit in, to be cool. Then I wondered what kind of license plate Jesus would choose and decided this would be just right for Him. He was uncool. He went against all expectations. He hung out with needy, rejected and uneducated people.

A friend of mine has another value plate. It says PRAY in Spanish.  We could use more “value” plates in our world. We could use more promotion of LOVE and PRAY and UNCOOL. We could use more questioning and seeking to know why, seeking to know God.

“Delight yourself in the LORD.” Psalm 37:4

Blessings, Dottie