Our Vision is Blurred

 Corinthians 13:11-12 “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.”

 

The Message says: “When I was an infant at my mother's breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good. We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!”

Paul compares his understanding of things as a child with his maturity as a man. Then he notes our limitations. He compares our limited earth-bound, self-bound perspective as humans with how clearly we will see and understand God and know God in the life to come. Now our vision of God and of life is blurred, but when Perfection comes we will see, know and understand Him. We will see Him face-to-face just as clearly and fully as God sees and knows us.

Father God, this is sobering and exciting. We are so limited now. We need to remember this and be humble in all we say and do. We need to lean on You for guidance – since we’re living in a fog. In spite of our blurred vision we see our future through the mist.

The future is thrilling! We will see You and know You face to face!

What is the secret to closeness? 

Love involves knowing someone. We must allow the other person to know us and vice versa. The problem is most of us spend a great deal of time and energy avoiding being known. We share little about our deepest longings and beliefs. Self disclosure is difficult because we want so much to be loved. So we present ourselves in ways we think will be acceptable to the other person. We hide what we consider to be our flaws.

     

We also hide our inner self because we were never taught how to reveal it. Our parents didn't model this for us. Instead, we saw them in fixed roles that they had adopted in their distant past. We learned to adopt roles to conceal our inner selves.

     

We also hide to avoid change. Opening up to others requires changing our usual behavior. It changes our image of ourselves. It is much easier to continue to behave in routine ways and to never take risks in our relationships. 

     

To create a vital marriage it’s essential to reveal yourself. If you reveal yourself it will encourage your partner to do so. This means telling him or her your innermost feelings. It does not mean blasting him or her with anger. In order to get a rose bud to open up you do not pry open the petals. Human beings need gentle treatment. Start by commenting on things that please you or by telling him or her about happy events, or dreams or wishes.

Don’t expect this to help overnight. Your partner may not respond to this as you hope. In fact, you may get a response that upsets you. For example, your partner may laugh at your expression of feeling. If your partner laughs or reacts negatively this may simply mean the change in you scares or surprises him or her.

Handle any negative reaction you have to your partner’s response by revealing it without blaming. For example, you might say, "I was laughed at as a child and felt shamed and so your laughter bothered me." If possible give a specific example from your childhood. 

     

Another important reason to self disclose is that we don't know ourselves unless we open up.  When we hide things from others we end up also hiding them from ourselves. Hiding things takes a great deal of energy and puts our minds and bodies under stress. Although you would like your partner to open up to you, you can only work on your side of things and begin to open up to him/her. 

“God wants us to grow up, to know the whole truth and tell it in love - like Christ in everything.”  Ephesians 4:15 The Message

Blessings, Dottie