Romantic love is amazing, exciting and
thrilling. It also is not “true love.” Romance novels, movies, and television
feed our unrealistic expectations of marriage. Our culture programs women to expect
a prince on a white horse. A prince will overwhelm her with love. Can any man
live up to this image? Men also have expectations that are impossible to meet.
Experts who have studied marriage say
that "romantic love" lasts about two years. The problem is we are
brought up to expect it to last forever—and with no effort. During courtship
the relationship is fresh and new, and both partners put effort into pleasing
and romancing each other. Emotions are high and intense.
After marriage it’s natural to drop the
courtship behaviors and to fall into a routine. In addition, as time goes on we
learn about each other's flaws and idiosyncrasies and we find out how we
differ. These are often things we overlook in the heat and passion of romance.
We also are faced with the day-to-day
realities of paying the rent, pursuing careers, washing the dishes, doing the
laundry and so forth. Some couples are also faced with crises - illness, job
problems, financial troubles—which add to their stresses. With all these
pressures there is no way marriage can be as carefree and as intensely
passionate as a romance.
However, there are advantages to being
married. The comfort and security of a committed relationship is something most
of us deeply crave. Although a couple may have less to say to each other than
they did before marriage, there can be a quiet companionship between them as
they carry on their lives together.
There are some things you can do to
rekindle the romance in your marriage. Talk over with your partner the concerns
you have. Talk about ways to make the marriage more romantic. Perhaps you need
to set aside a special time each evening to talk personally, not about bills or
work, but about your feelings, thoughts and dreams. A close relationship takes
work. If you make the effort to be romantic, to be more involved the
relationship will change. Praying together is one way to connect deeply and
personally.
“Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in
honoring each other.” Romans 12:10 NLT
Blessings, Dottie
Thank you, Dottie, for these words of wisdom. I think a lot of it's about perspective. When my husband and I are romantically challenged, I sometimes read the letters he wrote me "back in the day," or just take the time to think back to that time and how he swept me off my feet. All those same qualities are there, I just need my eyes to focus on them instead of his less-than-romantic tendencies. :)
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