Valuing Ash Wednesday

Today is Ash Wednesday, a special day celebrated in many Christian churches. Ash Wednesday is the first day of Lent, the beginning of the 40 week days before Easter. Lent is observed in many Christian churches as a period of prayer, fasting, confession, repentance, and self-denial. It echoes the 40 days in the wilderness Jesus spent fasting and overcoming temptation. It also assists Christians in focusing on Jesus resolute journey leading to his crucifixion and resurrection. We learn to identify with his unwavering obedience. We recognize the price he paid for us.

Our faith journey, described in Changing Churches, began in a United Methodist Church - a church that observes Ash Wednesday. Throughout our years there, Ash Wednesday marked the beginning of a solemn and holy time of reflection. While searching for a church in 2008 we attended an Ash Wednesday service at another Methodist Church. I noted in my journal:

           

We sang six verses of "Just As I Am" and "There is a Fountain Filled with Blood." The hymns, responsive readings, confession, and pastor's message, touched and filled us. We received ashes in the shape of the cross on our foreheads and took Communion - opening and recommitting ourselves to Him. What a sacred event!

Prayer Journaling

In 2004 the teacher of my ladies Bible class mentioned journaling Psalm 51 (about David's sin), one phrase at a time, for the forty days of Lent. This proved to be a sobering but valuable exercise. 
Christians must change and grow in order to build up the church. We must face our own sin and repent. The next forty days are a good time to focus on this in prayer.

Understanding the Church Calendar

For those not in a liturgical church, Mark Galli's explanation from his book Beyond Smells and Bells, may help you appreciate the emphasis on the church calendar. He writes:

             

The church calendar aims at nothing less than to change the way we experience time and perceive reality. . . . Advent signals the new year. For the church, the annual rhythm is not winter, spring, summer and fall, but Advent, Christmas, Epiphany, Lent, Easter and Pentecost. . . . The church calendar is not about the cycle of life - school or sports or harvest time - but about the movement of history toward a glorious goal. We celebrate the past events of history not merely to remember them, but note how they infuse the present with meaning and power, and point us to our future hope.

Let this be a Holy season for all Christians to ponder and pray and deepen our faith.

Blessings, Dottie

ANGER IN MARRIAGE

Q. My husband gets angry very easily. We have a good marriage except when this happens. During the early years I was afraid of his anger and so I avoided confrontations. Later I began yelling back because I was tired of giving in and tired of being misunderstood. But this just made things worse. Now I'm tired of fighting but don't know what else to do. What should I do when my husband loses his temper? What will defuse anger in marriage?

How to Defuse Anger in Marriage

There are several steps you can take to defuse anger in marriage:

1. Ignore the bluster, blame and criticism. Think of these as bait used to start a fight. Don’t take the bait. His anger, accusations or criticisms may conceal the actual reason for his anger. Ignoring the bluster, remaining calm and rational will help quiet things down and will help you find out what’s upsetting him. Ignoring your husband’s blame or criticism doesn’t mean you agree with what he is saying. Though your husband’s anger may come out in blame or attacks on you he may actually be very angry with himself. People who are hard on those closest to them are often even harder on themselves.

           

2. Calm down and talk. You may be able to reduce the level of your husband's anger by insisting that it is preventing you from understanding and helping with the problem. You might say, "I know you're angry. Let's sit down and talk about it." Be persistent yet calm and friendly. Repeat this several times if necessary. You might also suggest discussing it later when he isn't so angry. Set a time for this and follow through.

           

3. Focus on solving the immediate problem. If you remain calm yet persistent you are taking control and are the strong one in the situation. When you learn why your husband is angry, focus on solving the immediate problem. For example, if your husband is angry because he can't find a tool he needs, concentrate on finding it. If he’s angry about something at work let him vent about it and be sympathetic. If he’s angry about something you did or said listen to his view point on this without being defensive. Tell him you’re sorry if this hurt him. If this doesn’t satisfy him ask what else you can do about it now. Asking for forgiveness will help also.

           

4. Try distraction or humor. Some times distracting your partner by changing the subject will lessen his or her anger. The careful use of humor can also break the tension.

5. Leave the room to cool off. If none of these ideas work and you can’t control your own anger or you think your partner's anger is getting out of hand, it’s time to leave. You can leave the room or if your partner follows you, even leave the house. Make it clear that you’re willing to talk about the problem later on when he has calmed down and that you are leaving to enable both of you to cool off.

If these steps don’t help, counseling can help both of you learn how to defuse anger in your marriage. I recommend you see a counselor together.

“A fool is quick tempered but a wise person stays calm when insulted.” Proverbs 12:16 NLT

Blessings, Dottie

Changing Churches Part 2

My book, Changing Churches tackles the issue of tremendous change in churches in recent decades. Changing Churches Part 1 gave an overview of the extensive changes in our culture in the last twenty to fifty years. Today in Part 2 I focus on changes in churches in the last few decades.

Part 2: Change: Good, Bad or Significant?                                                          

Back in the 1990s someone advised a new pastor, "Don't change anything until you know how long it's been there, and who it belongs to--even if it's a dead dog under the front pew." In other words, Don't rock the boat. Keeping things the same was the prevailing wisdom in churches two or three decades ago. Many churches were stuck in sameness.

This is not true today. Changes in church are now the norm; the changes are massive, even exponential. In my book I explore in detail many changes in church and how our changing culture has impacted and even infected the church. Some of the changes have made the church better. Some have hurt the church. Some have simply made it different.

A change for the better has been the updating of hymns with new music for old lyrics and the creation of many new God-exalting hymns. A change that has hurt the church is separating congregations into traditional and contemporary worship. This essentially divides the congregation by age. Another questionable change is marketing the church. This is often pragmatic, divisive and unbiblical. David Wells in The Courage to be Protestant tells of a church that advertised itself as "not your grandmother's church." This suggests anyone over fifty-five is excluded!

Christians need to ask, have the changes adapted the church to the culture? Have the changes diluted the message of the gospel to make it acceptable to seekers? Have the changes deepened the faith of believers? Have the changes won more people to Christ?

Change That's Needed
The mission of the church is to change lives through knowing Jesus Christ. The mission of the church is to teach and lead us in life-changing directions. The church needs radical change empowered by God. The church needs the kind of change David Platt suggests in his book Radical. Here's a quote from him about the church:

What is strangely lacking in the picture of performances, personalities, programs, and professionals is desperation for the power of God. God's power is at best an add-on to our strategies. I am frightened by the reality that the church I lead can carry on most of our activities smoothly, efficiently, even successfully, never realizing that the Holy Spirit of God is virtually absent from the picture. We can easily deceive ourselves, mistaking the presence of physical bodies in a crowd for the existence of spiritual life in a community.

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A. W. Tozer puts it this way, "Look into the churches and you will find groups of half-saved, half-sanctified, carnal people who know more about the social niceties than they do about the New Testament."

Read Radical if you dare! Read and study the Word of God and seek Him with all your heart - if you dare. We need change that is significant!

Another book by David Platt, Radical Together, takes the ideas from his book Radical and applies them to the church. Platt asks what happens when a church unites in exalting God above all else? “What happens when our primary aim is not to make the crowds feel comfortable but to exalt God in his glory?” This book can change our churches if enough Christian churches read it, study it and put it into action. Radical Together includes a group discussion guide.

Blessings, Dottie

SEEK FIRST HIS KINGDOM

SEEK FIRST HIS KINGDOM

Matt 6:33 Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things (your needs) will be given to you as well.

Matt. 6:33 Make the Kingdom of God your primary concern. NLT

Luke 12:31 Seek his kingdom and these things (your needs) will be given you as well.

Luke 12:31 Make the Kingdom of God your primary concern. NLT

SEEK FIRST HIS KINGDOM

Dear Father,

Your Word says we are to “Seek first your Kingdom.” What is your Kingdom and how do we put it first?

Hayford’s Bible Dictionary says that “where the King is personally, the Kingdom is presently.”

The Illustrated Bible Dictionary says the Kingdom is “God’s rule of grace in the world.”

Jesus made clear that the Kingdom was already present though hidden, a mystery – with consummation later. Your Kingdom now lives in the hearts of those who trust Jesus as their Lord and Savior and seek to follow his commands, his righteous way of love. How exciting! Thank you, Lord.

“Seek first your Kingdom.” So how do we seek your kingdom first? 

• We read your Word. Help us read it more.
• We obey your commands. Do we? No one does this perfectly. Help us notice when we fail to keep your commands. Help us do better as we grow in you.
• We focus on putting you first in every area of our life, surrendering all. This is not easy. This means giving our time, our money, our hearts and souls to you daily.

Lord, we want to seek your Kingdom and your righteousness first, but we often fail to do this. We need your Spirit to enable us. Let Christ rule in our hearts and in our churches. We welcome your Kingdom. What a thought! Show us when and where we fail at this. Help us remain in you and in your Kingdom.

Blessings, Dottie

Bruised by the Word

Have you ever been bruised by the Word? Have you ever been offended, crushed, or in pain from hearing Scripture? We talk about how comforted we are by Scripture - and many scriptures are intended to comfort us. But do we ever admit we’re sometimes crushed or bruised by the Word?

I dropped a very large hard cover bible on my foot and look what happened. As I pondered this incident I realized that when we really take in the Word and hear its message we will be wounded. We will be bruised.

We’re supposed to “die to self?” Ouch!

We’re supposed to “Love others as we love ourselves?” Ouch again.

We’re supposed to Forgive? Turn the other cheek?

We ignore these teachings and numb ourselves to the pain or difficulty of hearing the Word and doing what it says.

I’m a sinner with no merit of my own. The things I want to do I don’t do. Woe is me for I am undone. He was bruised for our iniquities so his righteousness covers our sins. We are saved through faith by grace alone. The bruising is essential to our surrendering to Him. The bruising helps us grow in Christ.

Blessings, Dottie  

Over Reactions in Marriage – Part 2

Q. Recently my husband really let me down. We had made plans to do something on a certain date. He forgot all about it and made plans to do something else. He was very busy at the time and hadn't written down the date. I know he doesn't pay attention to details like I do. The problem is I over react to this sort of thing. I take it very personally.  First I was absolutely furious. Then I got really pitiful and felt totally unloved and unlovable. I cried buckets and it was days before I recovered. Why do I over react to this sort of thing and how can I learn not to?

           

A. Many of us over react but we’re not usually aware of it or honest about it as you are. It’s important to pay attention to over reactions as they may signal that something else is going on other than the present day issue. The current experience touches pain deep inside us. We feel like a hurt, needy child. 

           

Over Reactions are Normal in Children

Babies and young children feel things intensely and have little control over their emotions. When frustrated they’re consumed with anger. When hurt, they cry intensely. As we get older we become more civilized and learn to delay or moderate our feelings. We learn to remain in touch with our feelings without being overwhelmed by them.

A child who experiences a trauma such as abuse, neglect or abandonment, will often learn to disassociate his feelings in order to not to be overwhelmed and to survive. He learns not to feel. However, the feelings are locked up inside. Even without a major trauma, we may have had experiences which were too overwhelming to deal with as children. We carry these feelings and issues with us into our adult life.

           

Conquering Over Reactions

Though we may not remember the "trauma" itself, something in our present circumstance triggers long buried emotions. To overcome this, notice the times when you do over react. Write down what happened and how you reacted. After you have several examples of over reacting, figure out what these examples have in common. The scene in each example may be similar and may be reminiscent of how you felt as a child. Write about these childhood scenes. How does your present life compare? Realize you are no longer as vulnerable as you were back then.

           

Learn to love the hurt and needy child inside you. Remind yourself that the needy child is irrational and emotional for some very good reasons. Tell her God loves her and will take care of her. Tell her you also love her and will take care of her. Read John Bradshaw's books Healing the Shame That Binds You or Homecoming for additional ideas on healing the inner child.

           

Counseling can also help you work through deep inner hurts. 
See Over Reactions in Marriage - Part 1.

“You will know the truth and the truth will set you free. “ John 8:32 NLT

Blessings, Dottie

Change: Good, Bad or Significant?

The topic of change is huge. My book, Changing Churches tackles the issue of tremendous change in churches in recent decades. Today I’ll give illustrations of the tremendous changes in our culture in the last sixty years. Later I’ll comment on changes in churches.

Change Overload

For thousands of years “change was slow, controlled, accessible; now it convulses at warp speed” says Richard A. Swenson in his 1992 book Margins. Swenson says we pay a price for each change we face. You may recall his Life Change Index which assigned health risk to the changes experienced, detailing the various ways change overload affects us. Many of us have activity overload, choice overload, commitment overload, debt overload, decision overload, information overload, noise overload, possession overload, technology overload, and work overload. And he names even more. 

Population Changes

If change overload was a problem in 1992, imagine what it is more than twenty years later. Does anyone not have an overload problem now? Our world has changed at a rate never before experienced. The world population has grown from two billion people in 1800 to three billion in 1964, to six billion in 1999, to seven billion this year. Think of the ramifications of this. These figures boggle my mind. How have these change affected us, the world, our culture, and the church?

Changes Grandpa Remembers

Some of you may have seen or heard the forwarded email, (condensed here) “How old is Grandpa?” A grandchild asks his grandpa’s age. Grandpa replies:

     
"I was born before television, penicillin, polio shots, frozen foods, Xerox, contact lenses, Frisbees and the pill. There were no credit cards, laser beams, or ballpoint pens. Man had not invented panty hose, air conditioners, dishwashers or clothes dryers and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and man had not yet walked on the moon. We got married first, and then lived together. Every family had a mother and a father……"

     
 "Grass was mowed. Coke was a cold drink. Pot was something your mother cooked in. Rock music was you grandmother's lullaby. Aides were helpers in the principal's office. Hardware was found in a hardware store. Chip meant a  piece of wood. Software was not even a word. We were the last generation to believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby. How old is Grandpa? He is fifty-nine. Or he may be sixty-one by now."

On this Rock

In view of the change overload we all face in life, and in view of the change and corruption of our culture, the church must be a rock, a stable place. We, the church, must maintain the core doctrines and traditions of the faith. We must teach the Word in its entirety. We must hold fast to our unchanging God in Christ Jesus. “O Thou who changes not, abide with me.” Abiding in Him anchors us and also transforms us. We are new creations in Christ. This is significant change.

“On this rock I will build my church.” Matthew 16:18

Blessings, Dottie