Family
problems are often due to conflicting loyalties. An adult woman, for example,
may try to take into consideration on any given issue, what she thinks, what
her husband thinks, what her family thinks and what his family thinks. It may
be difficult just to work out an agreement with her husband, much less satisfy
all the other relatives.
Parents
must allow young couples to break away and find their own answers to life’s
problems. Parents give young couples a
wonderful gift when they allow them to put their partner first; when they no
longer try to control them.
Loyalty
to one’s partner does not mean you must say you agree when you do not. It does
mean supporting his or her view of the situation when you are with others. (If
you disagree, do it in private, later.) This sense of being able to count on
one’s partner for support and protection, no matter what - is vital to the
feeling of comfort and safety needed in marriage.
Your
partner’s definition of loyalty may differ from yours. It’s important to pay
attention to his or her viewpoint. Remaining neutral won’t satisfy. Neutrality
will appear as though you are siding with the opposition. Your partner wants
and needs an ally. The issue of loyalty often comes up in relation to others or
in public situations. When we are publicly challenged by our mates we feel
betrayed. This can happen innocently, when one partner “corrects” the other’s
way of telling something.
It may
feel safe to have one’s partner tease you or disagree with you when you are in
private. In public, even in a family group, this feels quite different. This
may say to the larger group that your marriage is not going well. It can create
feelings of shame, embarrassment or even humiliation. When your partner sides
against you, is disloyal to you, you feel very betrayed.
“A friend
loves at all times.” Proverbs 17:17 NIV
Blessings,
Dottie
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