Friday, March 9, 2012


Couples often argue over minor issues attempting to have the last word. Many of us over react to an opinion that differs from our own.  So we jump in and disagree. We believe we’re always right. Some couples who argue could replace all their words and simply say “I’m right,” (So you’re wrong.) “No, I’m right.” (So you’re wrong.) In other words, this kind of argument gets no where and is destructive to relationships. 
A minister decided to become a doctor because he realized people would pay more to heal their body than their soul. After some years he decided to become an attorney realizing people would pay more to prove they are right than to heal either their body or their soul. A lawyer approach can wreck havoc in a marriage. It’s difficult to admit we’re wrong. It’s hard to be humble. We think we’re right and we think we know what’s best. We know others aren’t always right, but we think we are!
We want to be RIGHT. When we disagree we want to win the argument - some times at any cost. And there are costs to having to be right. It hurts our relationships. We become angry and defensive when our viewpoint is questioned. We nurse hurt feelings when someone disagrees with us. We become resentful and bitter as a result. Defensiveness stops communication and so does arguing.     

We need to learn to listen to each other without arguing. Listening is the key. Listen without disagreeing. Rephrase what your partner says. “So what you’re saying is …” This lets your spouse know you understand their viewpoint. It doesn’t mean you agree. Be clear on what your partner means before stating your own opinion.
Don’t expect your spouse to think the way you do. We have different personalities, different viewpoints and different experiences in life. We need to listen to and attempt to understand how the other person thinks and feels; how they view things. It will take work to change a pattern of arguing and let go of the need to be right. If you stop arguing and work at understanding each other’s point of view this will help. Even if only one person does this it will help. It takes two to argue.

“Arrogant know-it-alls stir up discord, but wise men and women listen to each other’s counsel.” Proverbs 13:10 The Message

1 comment:

  1. Good advice. I've been learning this is especially important and applicable in learning how to parent together. My husband does things different with our son than I would choose sometimes, but that is actually a good thing for our son!