In order to keep love growing in a marriage it’s necessary to be open and vulnerable to the other person. In other words, even though you’re uncomfortable showing your feelings this is what you must begin doing. This is especially difficult for men who were taught to appear tough and in control all the time. All of us learn to hide behind protective walls so we won’t be hurt. However, these walls keep us from connecting with each other. It’s only as we let the walls down that we are truly able to love and be intimate.
We are stronger now than we were when we put up the walls so we can survive if we are hurt. The alternative of not opening up is living life in isolation from others. Remember how you felt when you were courting your partner? To bring back that same excitement, do some of the same things you eagerly did then. You took risks then in reaching out to your love.
Here is a list of things you can do that will help you connect with your partner in a loving way:
•Let your eyes light up when your partner walks in the room.
•Look into your partner’s eyes.
•Listen to your partner, really listen.
•Acknowledge your partner’s feelings. “That must really hurt.”
•Ask for forgiveness for specific things you’ve done that have hurt your partner.
•Hold hands in public and in private.
•Give hugs and say “I love you.”
•Give compliments. “You look nice today.”
•Let your partner know you appreciate him or her. “I appreciate the time and effort you put into cooking dinner tonight.”
•Cuddle while watching TV.
•Be romantic while making love.
•Remind your partner of specific times in the past when you were close. Talk about these times.
Work at your marriage as you work at your job. It's worth the effort and time this takes. No one cuddles up to a job. The marriage remains when the job is over.
“My lover is mine and I am his. Song of Songs NIV