PSYCH INFO: RECOVERY FROM GRIEF

Q. The sudden death of a friend of mine has devastated me and many others. I go from anger, to depression to feeling numb. I can’t eat or sleep and I keep thinking about the violence done to her. I’m confused as to why this happened. The world no longer seems rational or safe. What can I do to get back to normal?

A. The death of a loved one is more difficult to accept when it happens to someone in the prime of life and when it is due to a violent act on the part of another person. There was no illness, no time to prepare for the loss of your friend and it is difficult to understand how anyone could or would deliberately kill her.

        

Your anger, shock and grief are normal reactions to this loss. A range of emotions and reactions accompany loss - anger, guilt, sadness, fear, as wells as difficulty eating, sleeping and concentrating. Confusion about the meaning of life also is common. We wonder, why would God allow this? The reality of death and our own vulnerability is something we can no longer deny.

        

Grieving is a process and it takes time. You will have days in which sadness and tears overwhelm you. You will have days in which you push back your feelings about it and feel numb. The numb periods are necessary in order to continue to function, do your job, take care of family needs and get some relief from the inner pain. It is essential though that you allow yourself to grieve. Choose times when you can let your feelings out. Talk over your feelings with a friend and cry on their shoulder. No one should grieve alone. 

        

You may experience regrets and guilt feelings about your friendship - wishing you had been more helpful or supportive. These are normal reactions to grief. Talk or write out these feelings of grief. Focus on happy memories also, not just on your regrets.

        

You may replay in your mind the events surrounding her death or have nightmares about this. Your heart and soul are trying to face the reality of what has happened. Talk and write about your most fearful thoughts. During the day time when you need to work, use thought stopping to turn off the fearful thoughts or images. Thought stopping involves talking back to the thoughts with a comforting thought (such as “God is my refuge and strength”) or replacing a negative image with a positive one. There are a number of other things you can do:

 If you are unable to eat or sleep, are depressed and unable to work, medication and counseling can help you function. Counseling is essential if extreme symptoms continue very long. 

Attend a grief support group. Grief Share, an excellent group, is available at many churches.

Read books on grief. A few if these are: Where Is God When It Hurts? by Philip Yancey, Recovering from the Losses of Life by H. Norman Wright, When Life Changed Forever by Rick Taylor, Roses in December by Marilyn Heavilin, Confessions of a Grieving Christian by Zig Ziglar, Splashes of Joy in the Cesspools of Life by Barbara Johnson and Dawn of Hope by Eldyn Simons. 

 Hang onto your faith. Turn to God through prayer, scripture and your church for help and support. Faith gives us hope and comfort in difficult times. 

“You are my hiding place; You shall preserve me from trouble; You shall surround me with songs of deliverance.” Psalm 32:7

Blessings, Dottie