Q. My
wife and I want to know how to create a strong family unit with our two children,
ages three and five. We especially want to know how to make our celebration of
the holidays a happy and meaningful time. Our families of origin were chaotic
and holidays were often unhappy. What do you suggest?
A. Family
rituals and family traditions are essential in creating a strong family
unit. These provide a structure for
family life that means security for children. Dr. Tony Campolo, a sociologist, says
that “the higher the level of ritual, the higher the level of emotional
stability in families.”
The
opposite is also true. Families with little or no ritual or tradition are
destructive to the emotional health of children. These children lead
fragmented, insecure lives. They have little direction; their family life has
no form or structure. Rituals and traditions provide this. Rituals and
traditions are also essential to children in developing and forming their faith.
There are numerous rituals and traditions which most
families develop without realizing they’re doing so. Family bed time rituals are
common and very important. If you haven’t begun these yet now is the time while
your children are young. Each family works out their own rituals. It’s
important to put children to bed in their own beds at the same time every
night. Bedtime rituals often include a snack, brushing teeth, hugs and “Good
night” to every member of the family, reading books and a bed time prayer. The
ritual always follows the same format once it’s established.
The bedtime ritual calms children down after a busy day. The
predictability is reassuring. Campolo says, “As fragmented as the day may have
been, it’s all put back together at night with the ritual.”
Rituals also develop around meal times. Again, it helps a
child’s sense of security as well as that of parents if meals are together and
at the same times every day. A family prayer before each meal enhances the
sense of unity in a family as well as encouraging a child’s faith in God.
Each family develops their own unique form or “ritual” for
carrying out these activities. If one person in the family bakes Christmas
cookies alone, this is not a family ritual. A family ritual must include the
children. Young children can help baking cookies and can help decorating the
tree. Tasks may take longer but remember you’re building family stability.
Other family traditions can involve reading stories to your
children about your faith and the meaning of each holiday. This can be done all
year but the Christmas story is especially appealing to children. There are
many Christmas books available at the library to help with this if your children
need to see pictures in order to listen well.
The Christmas story straight from scripture can also be read. See
Christmas script for families on this blog. See also Christmas Advent Wreath for families.
It’s traditional for many families to attend church events
together at Christmas. This is a good time to become more involved in your
church so you and your children will learn and experience the rituals and traditions
of your faith together. In a world that seems chaotic the rituals of the church
strengthen family life, comfort us and give life meaning. And most importantly,
they teach us that Jesus is the way, the truth and the life!
“For unto you is born this
day a Savior, Christ the Lord.” Luke 2:11
Blessings, Dottie
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