Journaling Psalm 51 Part 2

Psalm 51 is David’s repentance for his many sins including adultery and murder. He was a man after God’s own heart yet a sinner – saved by grace. Join me for part 2 of this solemn and blessed journey of prayer, confession and repentance. 

Psalm 51:3-6 NLT

For I recognize my shameful deeds –

 they haunt me day and night.

Against you and you alone, have I sinned.

I have done what is evil in your sight.

You will be proved right in what you say,

and your judgment against me is just.

For I was born a sinner—

yes, from the moment my mother conceived me.

But you desire honesty from the heart,

so you can teach me to be wise in my inmost being.

Father,

I recognize my shameful deeds – they haunt me day and night. I recognize my shameful deeds - leaving you for decades and as a result, not raising my children to know and love you, not raising them in church. These sins haunt me day and night. I’m learning that sleepless nights often point to other shameful deeds I’ve denied. Lord, reveal my shameful deeds to me. Guard my mouth especially so I can be angry but not sin and so I will discern gossip before I say it or hear it. Help me see my distorted, self-centered and prideful motives. I thank you that you forgive my sins.

Against you, and you alone, have I sinned. I have done what is evil in your sight.

Against you I have sinned over and over. I have sinned by drifting away from you for decades and forgetting your love and your Word and your church. Even now that I’m back I forget you or drift away without realizing it. Some times I want to sit on the throne. I’d rather “practice the presence of self.” I become angry and rebellious. Some times I don’t understand what has broken my strong connection with you. Help me learn to abide in you always. I’m thankful you always run to meet me when I’m heading toward you. I know when I hurt M (or others) it hurts you also. I don’t like to think about this.

After more than 20 years of allowing you to change me I’m still like an immature child – wanting my way, wanting what I want when I want it. I’m so full of pride. Lord, change me. I know I’m made in your image and that you live in me. Without you, I will continue to mess up. I ask your forgiveness for all these sins: self-centeredness, impatience and pride. I want to turn away from these and become a new creation in Christ. I accept your forgiveness and pray you will fill me with your Holy Spirit today and every day.

Father God, You will be proved right in what you say and your judgment against me is just. For I was born a sinner – yes, from the moment my mother conceived me. You have been more than just with me. I repeatedly drift away from spending time with you. Reading Romans 8 yesterday and your offer to adopt me as your child, to be mother and father to me, made me cry. Help me keep you on the throne of my heart today and help me practice your presence.

Father, You desire honesty from the heart, so you can teach me to be wise in my inmost being. I know you desire honesty from the heart and I don't always give this to you. Forgive me. I know I escape much struggle and pain if I let you search my heart, if I listen to you and face/confess my sin daily. Thank you for the road you’ve led me on recently – a road that required surrender and honesty yet leads to a closer walk with you, and will bring you glory. Forgive my self-consciousness and nervousness in being transparent with others. I know this will become easier and you know it stretches me right now. 

Teach me to be wise in my inmost being - my unconscious? My spirit? My soul? – all of these! I know this will only happen as I let you lead me and as I am honest and open with you and with myself. Help me in this Lord, I’m willing – yet I know I resist and stray from you. Help me see myself as you do. Help me stand naked before you. 

Psalm 51 Part 1 is here.