Thursday, July 8, 2010

Play It Safe

It’s easy for a marriage to become routine and distant. We say the same things to each other over and over. "How was your day?" "What's new?" Our questions and our answers are routine. We avoid all topics except those having to do with the children or our work or necessary chores. Or we talk about the news and the weather. We stick to safe topics.

These topics are fine and some of them are necessary in order for a marriage and a family to function. The problem is they don’t help us get close to one another. Nor do they give us much personal information. Some times entire families operate this way. It’s as though each person is in a self contained bubble. We bump up against each other’s bubble with surface talk, without connecting or comprehending or caring and without listening or loving. We see things from our own perspective and may long to connect but don’t know how.

Couples and families can change the way they communicate. One person can change things. One person can vary the routine by making one "different" statement each day. The best way to do this is to start small and positive. Take a risk and tell your loved one some thing positive you’ve never shared before; tell what you appreciate about him/her. This will feel scary and may get no reaction or may not get the reaction you hope for. Over time it can make a difference. We can burst each others bubbles in a gentle and good way. We can stop playing it safe. I’ll say more about this next week.

Let your conversation be always full of grace. Colossians 4:6

Blessings, Dottie

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