MONEY DOESN’T SATISFY

Q.  My husband and I are cautious about money. We’ve always saved for rainy days. We pay our bills on time and we live comfortably. We’ve never gone into debt other than for our house and our cars. Our son and daughter, both in their twenties, have a different attitude toward money. They received unsolicited credit cards in college and have gone wild spending money they don’t have. To make matters worse, our son likes to gamble. They are both in debt way over their heads. 

         

Why did this happen? We thought we taught them about the careful use of money. What will help them get out of debt and gain a realistic view of money? 

A.  Many of our values about money have been eroded by the changes in our society in the last fifty years. Thrift was a virtue and saving money was a primary goal for everyone. Children were taught these values in school, church and home. No one bought on credit. Any charge cards were paid off at the end of the month with no interest. Similarly, gambling was viewed as wrong, as an attempt to get something for nothing. 

         

Gradually we have become mad about money, driven to spend and spend and spend for more and more things. Our favorite pastime now is going to the malls. There were no malls 50 years ago. Shopping was done downtown and trips there were infrequent. Purchases were based solely on need rather than want.

With the advent of credit cards and easier and easier credit came the opportunity to have what we want before we pay for it. This has helped fuel our economy as the more we spend on things the more our industries flourish. To help these industries, advertisers do all within their power to make consumers want to consume. Commercials are slick and enticing. Credit is easy to obtain. Catalogs inundate us with choices of things we can buy. And it’s fun to shop. It is fun to have a new outfit to wear, the latest electronic gadget and it is more convenient to buy a book than to go to the library.

         

In addition, the acceptance and increase in state lotteries and gambling casinos enables us to gamble near home, not just on vacation and we can even take our children to some casinos where there is child care.

Your son and daughter grew up in this new culture and fell for its seductive offers without understanding the cost of credit or the cost of a life built on material things. Hopefully, life experiences will teach them that money and things do not satisfy. 

         

To help them get out of debt send your son and daughter to the Consumer Credit Counseling Service. This is a non profit agency that will help consolidate their debts and work out a manageable budget - or they may recommend bankruptcy if that’s the only way out. Some churches also offer excellent classes to help couples manage their finances.  

         

Your son and daughter may be addicted to spending and/or gambling. If this is true they may need help from Gambler’s Anonymous or Shopaholics Anonymous. Those who are addicted get a high from whatever it is they’re addicted to. They attempt is to avoid inner pain or inner emptiness by spending or by gambling. 

         

A renewal of faith can help. God will fill an Inner emptiness that nothing else satisfies. 

    

“A person without self control is as defenseless as a city with broken walls.” Proverbs25:28

Blessings, Dottie

SOLVING MONEY WOES

Q.  My husband and I are over our heads in debt and don't know what to do. We both work but our income doesn't go very far. We don't want to file bankruptcy. How did we get into this mess and how can we get out of it?

A. We are the wealthiest, most affluent nation in the world yet we also lead the way in spending beyond our means. Our culture encourages spending as no other has ever done. We are offered credit card, after credit card and are encouraged to go into debt. Advertisements bombard us with sleek new cars, high powered computers, convenient and expensive cell phones with new gadgets to keep us connected and having fun.

We are buying a variety of things and more of them than our grandparents did. They shared one small closet for all their clothing. We can't find room for our clothes even with large walk in closets. Our grandparents lived before many of our "necessities" had been invented, including television, DVDs, computers, microwave ovens and cell phones - to name a few.  When prior generations did buy something they paid cash. Or they did without. Our bankruptcy rate is more than four times higher than in the depression of the 1930s. Though the gadgets we have make our life more comfortable, we haven't learned to postpone purchasing these until we have the money.

SOLUTIONS

The solutions aren't easy. You and your husband will need to work out a plan and agree to stick to it. Here are some practical things you can do to get your spending in line:

1. Be satisfied with what you have. Make a budget and live on the money you have. More things don't bring happiness.

2. Understand the difference between needs and wants. We need food, shelter and clothing. We don't need designer jeans.

3. Don't watch advertisements on TV or look at them in the newspaper.

4. Shop with a list and buy only what's on the list.

5. Pay off credit cards as fast as you can to reduce the interest you’re paying. Use only the card with the lowest interest rate. Pay off the monthly balance of each card to avoid interest. Plan to eventually pay off all cards monthly so you pay no interest.

6. Cut out any costs even small costs. For example go to the bank and deposit money or cash a check instead of using the handy ATM.

7.  Don't buy when you can borrow or share. Library books are free. Share tools with a neighbor or relative. Swap baby sitting with another couple.

THE MEANING OF MONEY

Learn what money means to you. Think about and talk together about how you use money. Do you buy things when you are bored or hurt or sad? Does one person spend money to get back at the other? Be honest about the way each of you use money. You may use spending in much the same way the alcoholic uses alcohol - to avoid inner pain or inner emptiness.

Do some soul searching about what money means to you. Money has too much power over many of us. The Bible warns about this repeatedly. When our focus in life is on spending and getting we miss the true meaning of life.  We're focused on ourselves. We want what we want and we're going to get it. Two year olds think this way! 

We must reach a new way of thinking in which we see how blessed we are with the things that matter: health, family, friends, and opportunities to help others. When we learn to give of ourselves we aren't so hungry to buy things.

A financial counselor can help you with this. I recommend Consumer Credit Counseling, a non profit agency that will help consolidate your debts and work out a manageable budget - or recommend bankruptcy if that’s the only way out. 

“Do not wear yourselves out to get rich; have the wisdom to show restraint.” Proverbs 23:4

Blessings, Dottie

What Causes Arguments About Money?

Money Represents Power and Success

There are a variety of reasons for arguments about money. In our culture money represents power and success. Not having money is viewed as a weakness or as powerlessness. The way we use money tells a great deal about us as individuals. Some of us are impulsive spenders or even extravagant spenders in today’s credit card economy. Some of us are extremely frugal, unwilling to part with our money and always concerned about getting the lowest possible price for every thing we buy. Some of us focus on saving money, never feeling secure unless we have money in the bank.

     

Money Represents Security

Most of us appreciate money for the security it provides; for the food, shelter, clothing and necessities it enables us to have. We also enjoy the extra things money will buy— nice clothing, fun vacations, dinner out. Some enjoy using money to give generously to others in need or to a favorite church or charity.

     

Money is an important issue for couples to think about and to talk over between them.  Figure out what your differing styles are, what money means to each of you. Pay attention also to how money was handled in your families of origin as this will affect the way in which you view and use money. This will help you develop a plan for your money that will suit both of you.

     

Money Represents Control

Couples some times think they’re arguing over money when actually they’re arguing over control. Who makes the decisions about how money is spent? Questions about a partner’s purchases may be an attempt to control or an indication of a double standard if the prying partner is free to spend money without question. Money can also be used to get revenge or to sabotage an agreed upon budget. This happens when there is an unresolved issue between a couple. If an issue seems impossible to solve, one partner may use money to express his or her anger about that issue.

     

Money can also be used to buy love from a partner. In fact, we often expect nice gifts as evidence that we are loved. This can be over done especially if it is a substitute for showing affection or for being intimate with each other.

Money Represents Autonomy   

It’s essential for couples to share financial information with each other. In today’s world, both men and women need to know all the facts about their finances. This information needs to be shared even if it is a source of conflict. 

     

Each couple needs to figure out their own unique way of handling money. Some couples pool or merge all their money together. Some couples have his and her separate accounts. Some couples have three accounts, his, hers and ours. There are many variations on the ways we handle money. The important thing is for couples to pay attention to each others needs for control, autonomy and security.

Christians will view money as a gift from God, to be used as he guides, spending and saving carefully and giving generously. 

“See that you also excel in the grace of giving.” 1 Cor. 8:7 NIV