A. Our
culture, especially the media, portray sex in very unrealistic ways. In fact,
they promote lies about sex. They make us think that sex is easy, sex is free
and sex can be engaged in with any willing partner. And happiness will result.
Jenell
Williams Paris, professor of anthropology, writes on this subject in the
November 12, 2001 issue of Christianity
Today. She cites an episode on Friends in which Monica, a lead character,
is sick with the flu. In spite of a terrible cough and feeling sick she entices
her boy friend, Chandler, by seductively rubbing her chest with Vicks. Paris says, “In real life, women with hacking
coughs and achy bodies don’t seduce their partners with decongestant
medications.” She also points out that being single is the norm on Friends,
yet the three actresses are all married.
Television
shows and movies portray sexuality unrealistically. Sex is pictured as
unrelated to a relationship and requiring no commitment. It is spontaneous and
easy. There is little or no dialog.
Interaction between the couple is largely non-verbal. This leads many couples
to believe that sex should be easy and “just happen.”
This is a
far from the truth. Sex may at times be easy but only when a couple have
previously built a relationship that is intimate. This requires work. Verbal
communication is essential. Some negotiation as to when, where and how often is
required by all couples. Individuals differ as to their interest, comfort about
sex, and ability to bare their souls.
The media
does not portray real life. Do we ever see a lack of interest in sex due to
illness, parenthood or life stresses? Fatigue alone can rob us of the energy
for sex.
In real
life sex is not free. We must talk about birth control and agree on what type
we will use. We must deal with late periods, unwanted pregnancy, and even sexually
transmitted diseases. Television shows us only the sensual and easy side of
sex.
Meaningful
sex is costly, not free as TV would have us believe. It requires a life long
commitment to be faithful to each other. It requires trust, vulnerability and
honesty to achieve the best intimacy marriage offers.
Here are
some things you and your husband can do to help your sex life. Expect it to
take work and don’t expect it to be as pictured on TV.
1. Communication is essential and so is time
together. Talk about every aspect of your relationship to help your sex life
improve. Express resentments and let go of them. Share secrets and dreams. Communicate
about sex giving each other specific details about your needs, wants, likes and
dislikes. Be good listeners, open to hearing each others viewpoints.
2. Be
romantic. Say "I love you." Let your partner know on a daily basis
what you love, appreciate and value about him or her.
3. Be
affectionate. Give hugs and kisses often. Hold hands. Sleep together - casually
touching and being touched is comforting and stimulating.
4. Create
Privacy. If you have children put a lock on your bedroom door.
5. Schedule
time alone together and time for intimacy. Give it top priority.
6. Pray
together. This is the most intimacy building thing you can do –it will bond you
together with each other and with God.
If
problems continue, see a Christian marriage counselor.
Blessings,
Dottie
“Let love
and faithfulness never leave you.” Proverbs 3:3
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