Most of us carry in our hearts some hurts from our childhood. As
children we find ways to protect ourselves overwhelming hurt. We hide our hurt; we pretend that we are happy or confident or brave
when we really feel fearful, depressed or inadequate. Some of us even learn
to detach from our emotions so we feel nothing.
Our heart is the hiding place for all our painful feelings. By the
time we reach adulthood many of us have hearts full of pain. When our hearts
are full of pain we can’t take in the love that is offered to us. Our hearts are
hardened. Hurts that are buried from childhood and adolescence are very difficult
and painful to face. In order to do so, we may need to be in therapy with someone
we trust. Then we must make the decision to reveal the secret of our pain and
share it. Doing this can feel very unsettling, risky and even painful. Yet it is the only way to free our heart of
its pain so there is room for love.
Some will experience very painful emotions during this. Many
of these feelings were frozen in our hearts from childhood. We must
re-experience some of these emotions in order to be able to open our hearts to
love. Another way to think of it is to think of a protective shell around our
heart. This shell protects us from pain but it also prevents love from reaching
us. Often the shell is a defensive layer of false pride. For example we may act
as though we know all the answers when we actually feel very unsure of
ourselves.
There are four ways in which this shell of pride blocks us from
receiving and giving love.
1. Judging others. When we judge others we are, on some level, feeling superior to them. We think when someone is
different they are “wrong.” We bolster our own self-esteem by thinking less of
someone else.
2. Fear. We fear rejection so we don’t reach out
to others. We fear criticism so we don’t let others know us. Fear prevents us
from taking the risks that are a part of loving relationships.
3. Selfishness. Most of
us must fight our own self-centeredness. We are tuned into what we want, what
we feel, what we need and we have little awareness or even regard for the needs, feelings and
wants of others. Loving and being loved requires effort on our part. We must
let love in and receive it and we must respond with love to complete the
connection.
4. Viewing ourselves as
unlovable. If we can’t love ourselves it is very difficult to let the love
offered us into our hearts and it is very difficult to believe we have anything
to give another person. We must learn to love the child we were and the person
we are becoming. We must learn to be humble and open like a child – letting go
of pride.
“Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of God 18:16 NLT
Blessings, Dottie
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