What attitude is key in a marriage?

      One of the keys to successful relationships is an attitude of respect and reverence for each other. Each partner clearly values and admires the other person. How do you act when you value something or someone? Think about how you treat your most valued possessions. Suppose, for example, you have just purchased a new computer. Because you value your new computer you learn all you can about it; you learn what makes it tick. You admire and marvel over all it can do. You enjoy spending time with it and you take care of it. You handle it very gently if you have to move it.

     

Similarly, we need to learn to treat our partners in a way that truly values and respects them. We need to learn what makes them tick as individuals and to admire and value their uniqueness. We need to devote time to the person we value. And we need to be gentle and loving. A person's spirit is more easily damaged than a computer. 

Women are apt to feel more intensely than men. They tend to take things more personally than men do. Incidents may seem blown out of proportion to men but the intense pain is very real to women. Men need to realize this fact. Even when you don’t intend to hurt your partner, the pain still hurts as much. When either partner is hurt the other one needs to recognize and acknowledge that you have hurt him or her.

Go to your partner and say, "I'm very sorry that I hurt you. Let’s talk about this.” Be a bit persistent about this but at the same time tender. When your partner begins to talk, listen carefully and don't become defensive. (You can defend yourself later if necessary, once things are going better.)

If your partner still won't talk about it and the tension continues between you, think of other ways to let him or her know you understand how hurt he or she is and to show you do value him or her. You might write a letter telling your partner you understand how painful this has been. You could also send cards or flowers or call frequently.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32 NKJV

Blessings, Dottie

What Creates A Successful Marriage?

A book could be written on this subject. There are four essential ingredients of a successful marriage. These ingredients require that both partners have reached some maturity as adults and are free of major mental or emotional problems.

           

1. Loving touch. Touching heals and connects us to each other. Research shows that both the toucher and the one being touched receive physiological benefit from touching. Touching can raise our hemoglobin levels, lower blood pressure, and increase the length of our lives! One study has shown that both men and women need eight to ten meaningful touches every day. We need to be touched for physical, emotional and psychological reasons.

           

Research also shows that we feel more positively toward the people we touch than toward those we do not touch. Therefore, to keep a marriage loving and fulfilling remember to touch each other affectionately every day.

           

2. Loving Words. We need to hear from our partner that we are loved and valued.  Words can hurt or they can heal. We are usually quick to share criticisms; words that hurt. When do we share the things we value about our partner?

           

Silence can also hurt. For example: “She knows how I feel without my having to say it.”  Does she?  Many do not know it unless it is expressed verbally. Most of us need and want more love and acceptance than we receive.

           

Why do we withhold our thoughts and feelings of love from each other when this can help heal past hurts and can deepen a relationship? Since no one said these words to us we feel strange, awkward and vulnerable when we begin to say them. But the risk is worth it and will bring many rewards. 

Comment on positive traits such as kindness, generosity or thoughtfulness in addition to commenting on things your partner accomplishes or on his or her appearance.  Be specific and positive about what you like. Don’t just say, “That was a good meal” or “Thanks for cooking dinner.” ”Say, “The chicken was so tender and you cooked it just the way I like it. I know it took a lot of your time. I really appreciate it and love you for it.”

           

3. Envision a positive future together. Watch how you talk about your partner and your marriage. Be positive and future oriented rather than dwelling on problems from the past. You will need to avoid saying “you always...” or “you never...” In order to do this you must assume the best about your partner and about your relationship. We allow the other person to grow by assuming that their motives are positive ones. 

           

4. Commitment. People in happy marriages choose over and over to be married to each other. As they grow and mature they learn to appreciate each other’s individuality and they learn to stay connected to each other in a meaningful way even through storms and crises. They know that their partner will hurt them or fail them at times; may not deserve their trust and loyalty but they are there to stay. Their relationship is not perfect but their love is growing. 

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.                                           Ephesians 4:2

 Blessings, Dottie

The Queen's Christmas Speech

This is too good to ignore. So I'm reporting on this after the fact. Queen Elizabeth recorded an annual Christmas message for radio and TV on December 25th. She boldy spoke of her personal faith in Jesus Christ. This was ignored by the media. Here's the part they did not report on: 

Finding hope in adversity is one of the themes of Christmas. Jesus was born into a world full of fear. The angels came to frightened shepherds with hope in their voices: 

‘Fear not’, they urged, ‘we bring you tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

‘For unto you is born this day in the City of David a Saviour who is Christ the Lord.’

Although we are capable of great acts of kindness, history teaches us that we sometimes need saving from ourselves – from our recklessness or our greed. God sent into the world a unique person – neither a philosopher nor a general, important though they are, but a Saviour, with the power to forgive. Forgiveness lies at the heart of the Christian faith. It can heal broken families, it can restore friendships and it can reconcile divided communities. It is in forgiveness that we feel the power of God’s love. In the last verse of this beautiful carol, O Little Town Of Bethlehem, there’s a prayer:

O Holy Child of Bethlehem,
Descend to us we pray.
Cast out our sin
And enter in.
Be born in us today.

It is my prayer that on this Christmas day we might all find room in our lives for the message of the angels and for the love of God through Christ our Lord."

The rocks will cry out if the media doesn't report ALL the news! What do you think? Will they report Jesus return visit? For more on this see my source www.thinkingoutloud.com.

Blessings, Dottie

NEW YEAR'S DAY: A MARKER IN LIFE'S JOURNEY

Life is a journey and the beginning of a New Year is a marker in that journey. Take time to look back and reflect - not to criticize or punish yourself but to help you face where you are today. Take time also to look ahead and decide where you want your life to go tomorrow and all your tomorrows.

Much planning occurs before a trip. We pick our destination and arrange for a place to stay. We get directions or we make airline reservations. We plan what we'll take with us. We buy new clothes or items needed on the trip and we spend time packing before we're ready to go. We put time and effort into planning trips yet often give little thought to the longest and most important trip we make - our journey through life. We let life happen to us instead of deciding what we want from life and how God wants us to use our time.

This year, 2012, let’s be more intentional about life. Prayerfully think about it. Ask God to reveal his will – even his “call” to you.

Here are steps to follow

1. Write down everything you would like to be or do or have. Let your imagination run wild and don't censor this sheet. Later you can narrow down the goals you will actually work on.

    

2. Divide your goals into areas: Physical, Mental, Emotional, Social, Spiritual, Financial, Family and Career. You will need goals in each area so your life will have balance. Write down each goal and under it write down why you want to achieve this goal.

3. Be specific about each goal. For example, change your vague statement, "I will exercise more" to the specific statement, "I will walk two miles a day."

4. Be positive about each goal. Many weight loss goals are doomed to failure because they are based on self disgust. Make certain it is something you really want rather than a "should."

5. Write it down. This commits you to following your plan. 

    

I hope these ideas will help you achieve your wildest dreams during 2012. 

“I will instruct you and show you the way you should walk; I will counsel you, keeping my eye on you.”  Psalm 32:8

Blessings, Dottie