DO ANY MARRIAGES LAST?

Q. My husband and me are newly weds and we’re frightened by the statistics about  marriage. Are we doomed to get divorced in five, ten or twenty years? Do any marriages last any more?

A.  The divorce statistics we read in newspapers and magazines are alarming and threatening - especially to newlyweds and young married couples. These statistics may cause couples beginning to have problems to give up, thinking divorce is inevitable anyway. They say, “Why not go ahead and get it over with?” 

Don’t let the statistics scare you. The statistics we read are presented in a negative way. They state that fifty percent of new marriages will end in divorce. Well, fifty percent will also remain married. The statistics tell us that the divorce rate is higher among teenagers, if partners come from broken homes, if either has been divorced and so forth. But these are just numbers. With even the worst statistics there are couples who defy these odds.

         

There is much the statistics reported in the media do not tell us. There are over fifty million existing marriages in the United States. The percent of all marriages ending in divorce in a specific year is less than two percent. While this is not a cause to rejoice, couples who worry about divorce need to realize that every year over 98% of married couples are staying in their marriages. Many of these couples may be having problems, may be struggling to survive in the pressures of today’s world but they are remaining together nevertheless.

         

In the media we hear so much about the infidelities and squabbles of celebrities that we forget this is not the way our society as a whole lives. The majority of married couples find satisfaction in their marriage, are committed to remain in the relationship and are faithful to each other. 

         

Here are some very positive statistics about marriage and the role it plays in our health and happiness.  A study done in California of 12,000 people showed that married people live longer than those who are single. There is also evidence that people who get divorced suffer from a higher rate of illness and death. Other research has shown that our immune systems may become disturbed after the loss of a spouse. In other words being married boosts our immune system!

I hope these statistics will give you more hope. More important than statistics is whether or not you and your husband have committed yourselves to each other before God and your family and friends; have committed in your marriage vows to love and honor each other in sickness and in health. Be determined to honor your vows and you will.

         

In addition, here are a few tips about marriage:

         

1.  Marriage will not be all that you expect it to be. It will not meet all your needs.  Learn to accept the positives that it does offer. Also build your marriage around a strong church to hold you accountable to God and your vows.

         

2.  A good marriage is hard work. We must work at it. We must learn to give and to forgive.

         

3.  Each phase of life involves some changes in each person and in the marriage relationship. Flexibility and a willingness to grow are keys to a lasting, happy marriage.

4.  Often marriages fail because the couple has not learned to use their relationship to heal their past hurts. Instead, childhood hurts are projected onto each other and a painful repetition occurs. If this happens, Christian counseling is needed and can make a difference.

I hope these ideas will help you remain committed to each other and determined to work out any problems that occur.

“Let the wise listen and add to their learning.” Proverbs 1:5

Blessings, Dottie